I need to realize that the world doesn't revolve around me. When people don't return my calls or whatever, it isn't because they hate me. When people are snippy on the phone and in a hurry to get off it probably has nothing to do with me. I get my feelings hurt way too often over things that don't envolve me.
I'm fairly sure that one of my friends lies to me often. She does so because she is inherantly a bad person. Pretty much everything she does is lie, cheat and steal and then she wonders why things always turn out bad for her. I am refering of course to "the princess". Mental instability is her main reason. She seems to always have taken some pill without eating or had a panic attack when she doesn't follow through with plans for me. I call bull crap on all of it.
My birthday is Sunday. It's the big one. I'm gonna ge 30 and I'm pretty darn scared. I have no stable income, no stable homelife, and no stability mentally. I'm pretty much a failure at any and everything I try. My so called friends are a joke and boyfriend is moodier than a woman. I am a huge procrastinator and very flaky. I feel as though my life is in shambles and have no way out or any motivation to fix it. Most people are grown up by 30. I'm just entering puberty.
After going to my sisters and seeing all that she has; a loving family, a great house, a comfortable life, I am jealous. She didn't go to college. She didn't do anything to get any of that but marry well. She married a man that loves her unconditionally. She was on drugs so bad when she met him that she almost ruined it all. But alas, she cleaned herself up and made a wonderful home for them and started poppin out babies. I always tend to believe that her life has worked out because she is beautiful. Attractive people get all the breaks no matter what anyone says. It is a fact. I'm not saying that her life is wonderful because she has material things, she has personal success as well.
When we first arrived at her house her husband and the kids started goofin around and play fighting. Then she got in the act and she and her husband started chasing each other around the house in a play fight royal rumble. Everyone fell in a heap in the basement in a flutter of giggles. I want that. I want such a comfortableness and stability. I want happiness.
1 comment:
Jade,
I know exactly what you mean. My little sister also has it all. I don't want you to think that I think she does not deserve it because she deserves every bit of it. But she has the wonderful house and the wonderful family, the wonderful job that she can do at home (and make alot of money because, well frankly, it is her company) while spending time with her children. I also have a wonderful life (now) but I suffered depression for almost the entire 20 years I was married to the asshole. I just wanted you to know that someone is in your corner.
Karin
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