I'm in a wonderful relationship. I'm very happy and could never think of ruining it or leaving. But every once in a great while I think of the relationships that never were, for one reason or another.
I often day dream about what might have happened if... But you know if, "if" had happened, I might not be the person I am today and that person is who I want to be. Occasionally I stumble upon someone or something that reminds me of one of these key people and I get overwhelmed with nostalgia. The absolute worst is when they actually contact me and completely fall into a daydream with them. We reminesce and talk about the good old days, and by the end of the conversation I've fallen for them all over again.
Either I wasn't ready or they weren't ready; or they had major baggage that needed to be unpacked and by the time they off loaded I'd moved on. There are a few people in my life that really touched me. They messed my head and heart up so much that they will permanently remain in both. But for some reason or another we just could get our lives in a parallel tract.
Do you think that happened on purpose?
Do you think we were never meant to be?
Do you think I wanted it more than you did?
Do you think about me as often I as I do you?
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Day 2: I sure wish I could take out my contacts and clean them.
So It's been two days since I got the surgery and I must say it really feels like I have a pair of dry contacts in. My vision is the same as that also. I basically have hazy tunnel vision that I can see out of and blurry peripheral. I have the halos at night but they aren't any worse than glare from my glasses. I called the doctor to find out if this was normal and was assured that it was. They told me that the haziness is from the drops and will clear up in about a week. I'm supposed to make an appointment to come in one day next week for a follow up visit. I can't get there until Tuesday.
I have been putting my drops in every four hours like I'm supposed to and they give me a really awful metallic taste in my mouth that nothing gets rid of. The plus side of that is I'm not really eating all that much because it tastes like crap.
I just don't understand why of all the people I've met that have had this procedure none of them have told me about any of this stuff. I even know people who went to the same place as me. Did this procedure just not work for me or am I being a big baby? I guess I'm just to the point of wait and see. But for all the aggrivation I find myself just wishing that I was fighting with my contacts. At least then I could take them out when they bothered me. Hopefully I will get some more insight into all of these annoyances at my doctor visit.
I have been putting my drops in every four hours like I'm supposed to and they give me a really awful metallic taste in my mouth that nothing gets rid of. The plus side of that is I'm not really eating all that much because it tastes like crap.
I just don't understand why of all the people I've met that have had this procedure none of them have told me about any of this stuff. I even know people who went to the same place as me. Did this procedure just not work for me or am I being a big baby? I guess I'm just to the point of wait and see. But for all the aggrivation I find myself just wishing that I was fighting with my contacts. At least then I could take them out when they bothered me. Hopefully I will get some more insight into all of these annoyances at my doctor visit.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Post-Op Chunky Eyeballs
Well today was the day of the lasik surgery. Just six hours ago I was majorly nearsighted and now I never have to wear glasses or contacts again. So many people asked me to let them know how it was because they really want to get it. Well I'm not the kinda girl to water things down so I'm gonna give it to you straight. Here we go.
Now you know I had the bad customer service experience with these people when I first went for my consultation. Since then I've talked to them on the phone three times and every time they have been pleasant and attentive. I called them when ever I had a question and they calmed my nerves. So that is a plus in their column. So today my boyfriend drove me there in his usual grumpy and uncaring manner. He wants me to tell him what to do at every turn because he doesnt' know how to be a caring and considerate boyfriend that is just there for me rather than the douchebag that only thinks of himself. But that is another story or another day...
So we get there and my Mom and Travis (my brother) are right behind us pulling in but seem to not see the huge building proclaiming itself as Selkin Eye Center and drive right past it. They also don't see me standing in the parking lot waving my hands like and idiot. So I have to chase them out to the road and get their attention so that my brother doesn't drive into the great mess that is Elam Ave again.
After all that stress, we go in and they have me fill out paperwork and escort me into the same room that I sat in for my consultation. I sat there for a very long time and then finally the girl that rushed me through before came in and asked me which form of Lasik I wanted. Apparently they offer two kinds plus something called PRK. PRK uses drops to desolve the flap of skin over the eye and Lasik is where they cut the flap. PRK takes four days of downtime and Lasik only takes a day. I choose the Lasik and then I get a choice of the basic package which is $699 per eye and the custom package which is $1699 per eye. Well my mom is paying of this so the lady goes and gets her. She talks my mom into the deluxe in like 32 seconds. The crazy thing is my Mom knows people that went to the same place they specifically told her that they will try and talk you into the more expensive package but you don't need it. But apparently what they didn't know was that my eyesight is so bad I need the deluxe version. They said that there is always a possibility of touch up needed after the procedure and with the basic package it is way more likely considering my prescription. A touch up with the basic package is $699 per eye again and with the deluxe is $150 per eye. Plus I get free visits to the office for a year so that can monitor my progress and check my vision frequently. Plus the chances of having halos and glare with nighttime driving is very low.
So once all that is out of the way they give me this blue surgical bonnet to put on and put me in a waiting room with other people wearing the same get up. There is a family of three people ahead of me, a guy and two women. The guy is about my age and pretty ghetto and the two women appear to be his mom and aunt. One of them was in having the surgery done and the other two were waiting. They told me that the one that was in there gets so freaked out about things she passes out. When she came out of the door she was like, "that was nothing", so it started to calm my fears. Also, they had given me the ok to take a Klonopin so I about 2 minutes way from being completely zoned out.
I had to get up to get checked out by the doctor before the surgery so they can get my prescription and all so I got called back to do that. When I get back the guy is coming out of surgery and the nurse is ordering him to sit down. Apparently mr. tough guy got dizzy during surgery and almost had a panic attack. Great. That's what I needed to see. So they call me into the room and I actually meet Dr. Selkin. He looks just like his pictures, which are everywhere. They lay me down on the reclining chair and talk to me in soothing voices. They tell me every step that they are doing and the first one is to put drops in my eyes that numb them. They burn like the dickens and I can't seem to open my eyes. I tell them this and they say "don't worry we will get them open"! And boy do they!
The nurse then taped one eye shut and pried open the other one with these torture device looking clamps which she then inserted into my eyesocket. That was uncomfortable. Then they tell me to stare at the green and red light directly above me. I'm freaking out at this point because I know they are about to cut me. The nurse has to hold open my eye in addition to the torture device and I hear the doctor say "suction" which send me into even farther panic mode because all I can think about is my eyeball being sucked out of it's socket. The nurse says, "you're gonna feel some pressure and everything will go black". She was right. It was very odd and extremely uncomfortable. I realized I wasn't breathing and tried to make myself take long, even breaths. All of the sudden the red and green light was present again and I the surgery begins. I can't really explain it but it was almost like someone was poking around inside a balloon. It feels like that looks. After all that poking, the Dr. does what can only be described at rubbing my eyeball with his finger. I really couldn't see but when I told him I majorly wanted to rub my eyes he said, "don't worry I'm doing it for you". Then they do the other eye and it actually hurts. It's a stinging feeling and the whole thing is majorly uncomfortable. I am clenched up and not breathing again. He tells me that most people frind the left eye to be more uncomfortable than the right. I am just wishing its over faster.
So when he is finally done, which is only about 3 minutes per eye but what seems like 20 minutes, they tell me sit up and put these goggle on me. I am wearing them now and I must say they aren't the most flattering thing in the world. I look like I should be playing raquetball player and they aren't the most comfortable thing in the world. I have to wear them for the rest of the day and all night. Then I have to sleep in them for the next week. This is to keep me from rubbing or scratching my eyes while they heal.
As soon as I got in the car on the drive home I couldn't keep my eyes open. The light was just too much. I kept them closed til I got home and in bed. I knew I was going to fall asleep so I had to put these thick drops in my eyes that they gave me to use before going to sleep. They stung too. I went to sleep for about 2 hours and woke up with the stickiest eyes ever! I wanted nothing more than to wipe them with a wet wash cloth but I can't take a shower or wet my eyes or face until tomorrow. I'm not allowed to wipe away any excess tears or goo. This sucks.
But the plus side to all this is I can see. Yes folks, it works. I couldn't imagine waking up and seeing. I still can't because my eyes were stuck together plus by wearing these goggles its like I have my glasses on. Things are still a bit hazy but I think that has something to do with the goggles being foggy. Things still aren't clear as a bell but hopefully tomorrow morning they will be. For all the aggrivations, I must say that the surgery is worth it. But don't let anyone tell you it was 'nothing' because it wasn't.
Now you know I had the bad customer service experience with these people when I first went for my consultation. Since then I've talked to them on the phone three times and every time they have been pleasant and attentive. I called them when ever I had a question and they calmed my nerves. So that is a plus in their column. So today my boyfriend drove me there in his usual grumpy and uncaring manner. He wants me to tell him what to do at every turn because he doesnt' know how to be a caring and considerate boyfriend that is just there for me rather than the douchebag that only thinks of himself. But that is another story or another day...
So we get there and my Mom and Travis (my brother) are right behind us pulling in but seem to not see the huge building proclaiming itself as Selkin Eye Center and drive right past it. They also don't see me standing in the parking lot waving my hands like and idiot. So I have to chase them out to the road and get their attention so that my brother doesn't drive into the great mess that is Elam Ave again.
After all that stress, we go in and they have me fill out paperwork and escort me into the same room that I sat in for my consultation. I sat there for a very long time and then finally the girl that rushed me through before came in and asked me which form of Lasik I wanted. Apparently they offer two kinds plus something called PRK. PRK uses drops to desolve the flap of skin over the eye and Lasik is where they cut the flap. PRK takes four days of downtime and Lasik only takes a day. I choose the Lasik and then I get a choice of the basic package which is $699 per eye and the custom package which is $1699 per eye. Well my mom is paying of this so the lady goes and gets her. She talks my mom into the deluxe in like 32 seconds. The crazy thing is my Mom knows people that went to the same place they specifically told her that they will try and talk you into the more expensive package but you don't need it. But apparently what they didn't know was that my eyesight is so bad I need the deluxe version. They said that there is always a possibility of touch up needed after the procedure and with the basic package it is way more likely considering my prescription. A touch up with the basic package is $699 per eye again and with the deluxe is $150 per eye. Plus I get free visits to the office for a year so that can monitor my progress and check my vision frequently. Plus the chances of having halos and glare with nighttime driving is very low.
So once all that is out of the way they give me this blue surgical bonnet to put on and put me in a waiting room with other people wearing the same get up. There is a family of three people ahead of me, a guy and two women. The guy is about my age and pretty ghetto and the two women appear to be his mom and aunt. One of them was in having the surgery done and the other two were waiting. They told me that the one that was in there gets so freaked out about things she passes out. When she came out of the door she was like, "that was nothing", so it started to calm my fears. Also, they had given me the ok to take a Klonopin so I about 2 minutes way from being completely zoned out.
I had to get up to get checked out by the doctor before the surgery so they can get my prescription and all so I got called back to do that. When I get back the guy is coming out of surgery and the nurse is ordering him to sit down. Apparently mr. tough guy got dizzy during surgery and almost had a panic attack. Great. That's what I needed to see. So they call me into the room and I actually meet Dr. Selkin. He looks just like his pictures, which are everywhere. They lay me down on the reclining chair and talk to me in soothing voices. They tell me every step that they are doing and the first one is to put drops in my eyes that numb them. They burn like the dickens and I can't seem to open my eyes. I tell them this and they say "don't worry we will get them open"! And boy do they!
The nurse then taped one eye shut and pried open the other one with these torture device looking clamps which she then inserted into my eyesocket. That was uncomfortable. Then they tell me to stare at the green and red light directly above me. I'm freaking out at this point because I know they are about to cut me. The nurse has to hold open my eye in addition to the torture device and I hear the doctor say "suction" which send me into even farther panic mode because all I can think about is my eyeball being sucked out of it's socket. The nurse says, "you're gonna feel some pressure and everything will go black". She was right. It was very odd and extremely uncomfortable. I realized I wasn't breathing and tried to make myself take long, even breaths. All of the sudden the red and green light was present again and I the surgery begins. I can't really explain it but it was almost like someone was poking around inside a balloon. It feels like that looks. After all that poking, the Dr. does what can only be described at rubbing my eyeball with his finger. I really couldn't see but when I told him I majorly wanted to rub my eyes he said, "don't worry I'm doing it for you". Then they do the other eye and it actually hurts. It's a stinging feeling and the whole thing is majorly uncomfortable. I am clenched up and not breathing again. He tells me that most people frind the left eye to be more uncomfortable than the right. I am just wishing its over faster.
So when he is finally done, which is only about 3 minutes per eye but what seems like 20 minutes, they tell me sit up and put these goggle on me. I am wearing them now and I must say they aren't the most flattering thing in the world. I look like I should be playing raquetball player and they aren't the most comfortable thing in the world. I have to wear them for the rest of the day and all night. Then I have to sleep in them for the next week. This is to keep me from rubbing or scratching my eyes while they heal.
As soon as I got in the car on the drive home I couldn't keep my eyes open. The light was just too much. I kept them closed til I got home and in bed. I knew I was going to fall asleep so I had to put these thick drops in my eyes that they gave me to use before going to sleep. They stung too. I went to sleep for about 2 hours and woke up with the stickiest eyes ever! I wanted nothing more than to wipe them with a wet wash cloth but I can't take a shower or wet my eyes or face until tomorrow. I'm not allowed to wipe away any excess tears or goo. This sucks.
But the plus side to all this is I can see. Yes folks, it works. I couldn't imagine waking up and seeing. I still can't because my eyes were stuck together plus by wearing these goggles its like I have my glasses on. Things are still a bit hazy but I think that has something to do with the goggles being foggy. Things still aren't clear as a bell but hopefully tomorrow morning they will be. For all the aggrivations, I must say that the surgery is worth it. But don't let anyone tell you it was 'nothing' because it wasn't.
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