Toasty and sticky.

I woke up about 1:45pm. I decided to go lay out since it was such a sunny day and we've had few of those lately. Plus we are having two cook outs this weekend. One for our friends on Sunday and one for our parents on Tuesday and I would like to wear a sundress. My spray tan is fading quickly and I didn't feel like driving to the tanning bed so I layed out.

I read my book and ended up laying on one side for 2 hours. I never flipped before I lost my sun. I should have flipped. No I'm not burned. I don't burn actually. I just didn't tan my back which is actully the part I should have started on because I can always spray my front but I can't get to my back nearly as well. Ah well. Now I'm sticky and need to shower.

I'm thawing a burger out to throw on the grill for dinner. I was inspired by Andrews 'burger' post. I really enjoy reading Andrew's blog. http://4thavenueblues.blogspot.com
Check it out sometime. It will open your eyes to life that is passing you by.

What is the deal with Alias?

So what is the deal with Alias? Its only in syndication now but what the heck is going on there? I never watched the show regularly and I've only seen a few episodes and frankly they all suck. I know its one of those shows that you kinda have to follow from the beginning but it just all seems WAY too dramatic for what it is. OVERLY dramatic over something that so obviously hokie and fake that its almost like watching "Barb Wire" or some other Skin-a-Max flick. And all this SD6 crap? What the? Really its just all too much for me.

I think I'm just upset because nothing is ever on tv that I want to watch when Alias is on. It's kinda like the "Wings" of the 2000's. Everywhere you go, there it is and you never want to watch it. Plus you can't syndicate shows like Alias and 24 and Lost. Those are shows that you HAVE to keep up with to know what is going on and most shows in syndication aren't in order.

(yep, still can't sleep.)

Sleep...The Elusive Dream

If you asked my stepmom how I sleep at night, she would say "lots". The truth is, I don't sleep well and I never have. I've never really told anyone this until I reached adulthood. On the few occasions in which I've lived with her and my dad, I slept until 1pm or later. What they didn't realize is that I didn't actually go to sleep until 4 am or later.

And the sad thing is, I'm not a night owl. I don't think better at night; I don't function better at night, I don't get things done at night. The only thing I'm really good at in the evenings is not sleeping. I never really considered this a problem because I didn't realize it until about a year or so ago. I always worked in restaurants or bars so I was up late anyway and I just thought that was an occupational hazard. About a year ago I stopped bartending and worked a job where I had day hours. I had no problem with it. I actually found that I studied better for school during the day and morning.

When I started having a harder and harder time falling asleep I discovered that its me, not my jobs that have kept me awake at night. I simply can't fall asleep, and when I finally do I wake up 2 to 3 times a night to go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, etc. The only time I don't have a hard time falling asleep is around 10-11am. I can wake up at 9:30 and fall back asleep by 10. Or I can wake up at 6am and fall back asleep at 10am. I don't know what it is about that pre-noon time that just lulls me to sleep. So it appears to people that I sleep alot, when in actuality I only get my best sleep when people 'think' I'm goofing off and sleeping all day.

I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. I worked 10 hours today, on my feet all day no break. I drove for 2 hours, 1 hour both ways to work. When I finally got home I was dead tired. I layed on the couch in the basement and watched 'So You Think You Can Dance', (my new favorite obsession)and I totally thought I would fall asleep at any time. I didn't and about an hour ago I suddenly was wide awake. What the?

So now here I sit. Wide awake and completely tired. My eyes burn, I'm so tired. But when I lay down I can't fall asleep. And before you say anything, I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING! I was prescribed Ambien, I took it for awhile but with my fear of addiction I didn't want to get used to it. I only took it once a week when I knew I had to go to bed at a certain time to get up by a certain time. It worked like a charm, for about 3 months. Now, nothin'. I've tried reading, I've tried writing, I've tried not reading, I've tried complete silence with earplugs, I've tried eye masks, I've tried nature sounds, I've tried watching tv, I've tried not watching tv, I've even tried watching that bizarre Christian channel with the EXTREMELY old nun lady. I've tried warm milk, I've tried cold milk, I've tried chai tea, I've tried aroma therapy, I've tried meditating, I've tried counting (backwards and forwards). There really isn't anything that I haven't tried. My new weirdness is that I everytime I get comfy in bed some weird place itches. UGGGH.

I hate this.

Failure seems to be my rain cloud...

I have a friend, my best friend actually, we have been friends since I was five years old. There were a couple years where I went to a different school and we hung with different clouds but for the most part we have still remained friends. Our senior year in high school we became super close and have been ever since. I graduated in 1994 just for a timeline perspective.

K and I were pretty much inseperable. She was a gorgeous little pixie and the boys just fawned over her. Guys would ask for my number and then ask me to fix them up with my friend. I lived in her shadow. She was the coolest girl I knew. We were a quirky couple of kids. We like punk rock and ska. We dyed our hair in strange shades and danced our butts off into the wee hours, thus making lots of friends with boys in bands. K had a tendency to fall head over heels for guys quickly and then lose all sense of her friends. I knew this and just let it slide since we were so close I knew when she needed me that she would be back. She always came back.

She got married a couple years after high school and had 2 kids and bought a house. The American dream so to speak. All except the guy she married was a loser and I told her so when she was dating him so we didn't speak for 2 years and I wasn't invited to the wedding. But I was there at the birth of both of her kids and at the divorce of loser boy.

I've always felt like I was playing catch up to her. Since her divorce from her husband she's been engaged two times with the most recent of those occuring last week. She called to inform me of the good news and the description of the ring, 2 carat center stone in an antique setting. They had it appraised and insured. It appraised at $9000 and was dated in the 1940's with a diamond rating of SI1. Yea, wow. She is really into antiques and super into pinup girls and 1940's stuff. This was perfect for her.

I'm really happy for her but I can't help feel like why her and not me? I mean why am I so un-marriable? The weird thing is, I'm not even sure that I want to get married but I would at least like to know that someone wants to marry me.

She also just graduated from esthetics school. I helped her fill out the paperwork for financial aid and suggested that she go to esthetics school. I flunked out of college and now have no prospects for goals. Again with the catch up.

I love her to death but I just can't help feeling jealous. Is that wrong?

An Explaination of My Title.

Since I'm just starting out in this world of blog-dom I feel the need to explain any and every aspect of my life. You people don't know me and you don't know where I'm coming from or where I'm going, so I guess I figure if I give back-stories more people will read and comment. This is a flawed way of thinking because I've come to realize in my other blogs that more people comment, thus an indication of readership, when a blog is short. So the more I ramble the less people will read, therefore defeating my original purpose.

Enough of this nonsense...On with the show!

At one point in my life I was a bombshell. Full on hottness with a side of slap yo mama. I'm not being conceited or tooting my own horn, just honest. And I did state that this was 'at one point', not continuously. Actually it was at two different times in my life. Both of which occurred simultaneously with me being single. This goes to dispute any and all claims of people wondering "Why is such a gorgeous girl single"? But I digress into a rant of another time and place...

Coincidentally at the times in which my hottness prevailed, I was also mostly known as disheaveled and untamed. Never would I be caught dead cooking or cleaning and especially not fufilling any responsibilities until it came down to the wire. I never paid any bills on time, and by on time I mean not until I got the cut off notice. I never did my laundry until I absolutely everything I owned was no longer wearable. Often I would go to the laundromat with 12-14 loads of laundry! I didn't step foot in a grocery store and rarely even paid for my own meals, being the smoke bomb that I was and all. I had a 2 date maximum. Usually by the second date I was bored with the fellow and moved on to someone new. I was addicted to the chase and I certainly was chased. I flew by the seat of my pants and usually worked about 2 to 3 jobs to support my extravagance.

In the last year I've grown up and out. I don't necessarily consider myself the hottest girl in the room and I most certainly don't rely on my astute flirting skills to get me by. Since I've met Eric, I now cook almost everyday, sometimes twice a day. I clean the house from top to bottom weekly and I even dust! I've never dusted in my life! My mom never did such things and my father had a housekeeper (who was instructed to not clean my room on the few occasions that I had to move home after adulthood, I might add). Eric told me the other day that I made his house a home. Before I was there it was just an investment of four walls. He told me everything this home is has been created by me. That was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to me. He has his moments.

It feels good to keep a home. It feels good to be needed and depended upon. It feels good to be housebroken.

Being the nice girl gets you no where.

The Back Story...

Some of you know that I moved from Greensboro and now live on the opposite side of Winston Salem. For those of you not from this area that is approximately a 45-55 minute drive from where I work. I decided, after much begging from my manager, to stay at my job through the summer and get a job at a sports bar that is is being built in Clemmons about 10 mins from my house. The sports bar is still in the construction stage and looks to be completed at the end of July to early August. As soon as the now hiring sign goes up, I'm there. Well in the course of working at my current place of business, I discovered that another co-worker lives in Winston Salem as well and her house is en route to my work. So we decided to cut down on gas by riding together.

Since this agreement has taken place her car broke down so now, I'm responsible for ALL the driving and she gives me gas money. No big deal right? WRONG. This girl that I work with is notorious for being late and is about the slowest person on the face of the earth. I don't know why she is as slow as she is but it is extremely aggravating when she is 15 minutes behind on her appointments and she has two people waiting for her and she decides to make a 10 minute phonecall to her loser or boyfriend! But I digress...

So I love her to death, I really do but I didn't sign up for what I've gotten myself into. She has a young son that her mother watches for her while she works. He is about 2 or 3, I'm not good with kids ages. But the problem is her mother lives in Reidsville which is an hour or so in a different direction. So in order for her mother to watch him we have to meet her at the half way point to drop him off which is in Oakridge, which is about 30 mins out of the way to our work.

So, now I have to leave my house an hour and a half before I have to be at work so that I can drive her to drop off her son plus get to work on time. plus when I get to her house she is never ready and since she has a kid we have to load up 40 thousand things in the car just to leave the house. Then we have to drive 30 minutes out of our way to drop him off and she usually starts gabbing with her mother for about 10 minutes about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

That, again puts us behind. I usually tell her I have to be at work 30 minutes prior to when I actually have to be there so that we aren't late. So now my time leaving my house turns into 2 hours prior to having to be at work. Now take this and add it all back to the return trip and I'm spending 4 extra hours of my day driving someone else and their kid around. My shifts at work are usually only 4-5 hours! And its not like I'm working in some posh place making bou coup bucks or anything. She gives me between $7-$10 everytime for gas but that doesn't account for the wear and tear put on my car that is about to hit the 160,000 mile marker or my precious time. Seriously, I had to leave my house at 7:30 this morning to get to work at 9:30am and I got off at 4pm but didn't get home until 6:45pm!

And today we had to drive all the way to Summerfeild to pick up her son which is about another 15 minutes on to the 30 extra out of the way in the first place. She didn't inform me of this until I had left work and had to turn around and go back and get her because her she got in a fight with her boyfriend, who was coming to pick her up because he doesn't want her riding with me. She says that its more like he doesn't want her to not be dependant on him.

My question is, I have been the nice person in this scenario and what has it gotten me? And how do I get out of it without seeming like a jerk?

Common Misconceptions in Friendships

I try to be a forgiving person. In fact I believe that I forgive people to a fault. It's gotten me in a lot of trouble and caused me nothing but pain, yet I will still give someone every chance in the world to be a friend to me.

It has lately become blaringly obvious to me that people don't change. They may mis-represent themselves when you first meet them, but they never change who they are at the core.

A few of my friends are going through this learning experience right now. They have re-friended (is that a word) people whom they have previously un-friended. These people are now learning why they let go of the friendships in the first place. If you stop being someones friend because they constantly hurt your feelings or because they are self-centered and inconsiderate, why in the world do you think that will change if you start hanging out with them again? I think it comes down to not being honest with the person as to why you are no longer going to hang out with them. People just think you are being a b*#th if you don't answer their calls anymore, especially people who are self-centered. They don't ever think that *they* did something wrong and that's why you don't want to be their friend anymore. And then you also have the friends that think if you don't call them back within 5 mins of them calling you that they've done something wrong. This can be equally annoying and yet another reason to un-friend.

I think this is very prevalent in female friendships. In all my years of friend-dom (boy I am really coming up with some words tonight) I've never seen such catty and selfish people that I've encountered in the last year or two. It's almost like I'm attracting them!

I consider myself and upfront and honest person. I tell people what I think of them and I expect others to do that with me. I've always said that I can't correct a problem unless I know there is one. I encourage all of my friends to carry this philosophy into their other relationships. Some take my advice and some don't. I think that this also makes me people afraid of me. For some reason my willingness to have people confront me makes them not want to.

This really isn't what this blog started out about but I got carried away.

But the moral of the story is, if there is someone in your life that isn't making you happy get rid of them! It's your life, make the most of it. Don't spend your life upset and hurt all the time because a so called 'friend' of yours is constantly treating you like crap. Let them go be miserable by themselves.

Wisdom in more ways than one.

So I was eating some peanut M&M's a minute ago and when I got finished it felt like I had a peanut stuck behind my back tooth on the right side. So I reached back there to pick it out and discovered it wasn't a peanut, it was a tooth! My wisdom tooth is coming in. It doesn't hurt but it feel weird. I'm not too worried about it effecting my other teeth either. Before I got my braces, which I had for 6 years, my dentist pulled 4 of my teeth so that my wisdom teeth would grow in correctly.

Pat Benetar got her nails done at my shop today. I wasn't there but I apparently talked to her on the phone yesterday when she booked her appointment under the name of Patricia. I always miss the good stuff.

Guess I better start bloggin...

I have been saving this blog for something poignant and life altering. I really don't know why. I mean, how often does that actually happen in ones life?

I've coasted through this site reading blogs and learning new and exciting things. I've commented on a few and I've been unable to find words for others. I hate that part. I am a super social person and feel the need to give feedback, even if its just a smile or a 'hmmm'. I feel that need to be validated so I assume everyone is the same. This is not the case.

As a child and on into young adulthood I kept a journal. These journals ranged from wirebound notebooks to fancy-schmancy decorated monstrosities. I always tried to leave these out in easily stumbled upon places. I wanted someone to read them and confront me about them. It never happened. With the sudden craze of the 'blog', I can leave my journal out for a larger group. You know what they say, throw a handful of noodles at the wall and one is bound to stick. I need bigger hands.

Introduction Part Deux

So here is the deal...

*I'm 29 and plan on staying that way for a few years.
*I'm beautiful no matter what you say.
*I aspire to write well but I'm terrible with grammar so don't bust my chops.
*I'm not afraid to speak my mind and you may find that I will do that often here.
*I've had a hard life but I'm not about to whine about and blame on my problems on it.
*I do have a wonderful boyfriend, whom I live with so I'm not trying to 'hook up' with you.
*If you stumble across this blog and find that I've written about you...don't take it personal, am just a jerk.


I'm sure I will think of other things later but until then, this is me.

Introduction of sorts.

Hi.
Im Jade and I'm here to rock your world.