Archives a plenty.

Here is another classic from my bag of tricks. I hope it inspires. The sad thing is I still feel mostly this way about my life.

Sunday, November 13, 2005


Maybe it's just me but...
Current mood: cynical

Does internet dating sometimes seem like a race to you? Like if you've found someone cool you need to hurry up and let them know how awesome you are before someone swoops in with half naked pictures and trendy hair and swallows them up?

I think I'm an amazing individual. I have a killer sense of humor. (Which very few people get but when they do, I crack them up like whoa) I have varied intrests on many aspects of life. I enjoy several genres of music and film. I enjoy a quiet evening at home just as much as wild night on the town. I take pride in my appearance and want to represent myself with the utmost dignity when being presented. I can carry on a conversation in almost any social situation. I have a huge heart that sometimes gets trampled in the process of giving it freely. I try to look at every possible aspect of a scenario before jumping to conclusions and acting on said hunches. I'm very loyal and loving. I would never think of maliciously hurting anyone. There is never any evil in my heart. I would rather talk out a situation than let it escalate.

I guess all this comes back to my two major downfalls, patience and priorities. I'm trying ever so hard to work on them, truely I am. But it is just so hard when everytime you turn around what you thought you had was never really there to begin with. Can you imagine what its like to wake up and know, I mean deep down know, that you are completely alone in this world. I have friends. I have great friends. But when it comes down to it at the end of the day the only person I have is me. I can't depend on others to get me out of bed. I can't depend on others to make sure that I sleep at night. I can't depend on others to lift me up when I'm sad and to feed me when I'm hungry. All I have in this life is me, and I'm not exactly the prize I once was.

This is where the patience runs thin. I don't want to be alone. I want someone to share my successes with. I want someone to console me in my failures. But the problem is, I want them NOW. That is physically and mentally impossible. And there is also a distinct possibility that it is improbable as well.

Then we encounter the priorities portion of the show. My priorities are all screwed up. I place a higher priority on making time for someone I don't even know when I can't even seem to find the time to visit my dying grandparents! I hate that I'm this way. I hate it. (This is where my self-loathing eclipses my good qualities, therefore making it virtually impossible to correct any of the afore mentioned issues)

I wish I could be 'that girl'. You know the one. The one that has it all together. The one that can get up in the morning, get her workout in, drink her coffee with a healthy breakfast while reading the paper and simultaniously watch Headline News. The one that gets her day started when it should start and manages to get it all in. The one that goes to bed completely satisfied at the end of the day that she had done everything she needed to do that day to have a restful nights sleep. The one that loves life and has the ability to make sure hers counts for something. You know, 'that girl'.

This blog was way longer than I intended it. If you don't feel like actually reading the whole thing, at least read the stuff in parenthesis. K. Thanks.