Well I don't know what to say about this one.

Your Mommy Is Hillary Clinton

What You Call Her: Old Lady What people say about yo momma: Yo Momma so smelly the government make her wear a Biohazard warning

Who's Your Mommy?

Intro to computers has one of those guys too...

He is always trying to impart knowledge about stupid websites that no one cares about. When we are asked for an example of a website to go to, he spouts out with some ridiculous non-sense that is more than likely found in those stupid forwarded emails that I ABSOLUTELY HATE! One of the first emails I ever sent to my boyfriend, and this was before he was my boyfriend mind you, was an email asking him to please stop forwarding me bullcrap.

There is also a woman is is completely annoying because you have to tell her literally every single thing to do step by step. Our professor was trying to tell us how to find an IP address for a website and you are supposed to type tracert w/ a space and then the website. This fool typed the actual word 'space' and then the website!

So for extra credit we were supposed to go to blogger and create a blog. Guess what? I got a blog sucka's! So I emailed this link to my prof. He is probably reading this now and laughing his butt off. Everyone say hello to Professor Brown.

If I stabbed him in his pointy head I think I would receive a round of applause!

There is a guy in my morning class that is so unbelieveably annoying that I can't bear to hear his voice! He is one of those guys that thinks he knows everything and has to comment on any and every subject, not with a question like the rest of the class but with some form of contridictory statement to what the teacher is saying. UGGGH! This morning I wanted to seriously stab him with my ballpoint pen.

He is obviously insecure and self-concious about the fact that he is completely annoying as a person not to mention extrememly unattractive. I feel sorry for the boy but he seriously, and I mean SERIOUSLY gets on my nerves. What do you about someone that constantly disrupts class with his ridiculous interjections? I know that I should learn to deal with people of all personalities but this is just ridiculous.

He is one of those guys that thinks he is a computer wiz but really isn't. So he is constantly trying to tell us something that makes no sense. He also thinks he is an expert on the law already and won't shut up about. I really don't understand why he is even in this program except maybe he didn't get into law school. He has a four year degree from another college but I'm not sure what its in.

And while I'm on the subject of things that annoy me...

There is someone else that sits very close to me in class that smells of stale cigarettes. I don't know if its the girl on my left side of the boy on my right but one of them is cloggin my sinuses. The weird thing is they don't smell like a freshly smoked cigarette but the kinda of smell someone's clothes have after they have constantly smoked in their house and car. That old cigarette smell. It makes me gag. But I can't move because we are supposed to sit in the same seats and there really isn't anywhere near me that I could move to without the teacher asking why I moved so far back. Its just gross.

But other than that I love the class.

I wrote a blog on Firefly's blog and I want to obsolve her of her duty to keep it posted.

...that is unless you just want to cause I'm a rockin' writer and stuff.

So I was responding to her post about people always saying that their grandmother is full blooded Cherokee and how annoying that is. I agree with that annoyance because I grew up in NC where everyone that tans well says they are at least 1/5 Native American. And I mean everybody. There is actually a weird town in the Eastern part of the state where everyone has blonde hair and blue eyes but they all have the Native American characteristics and swear they are all Lumbee. THE WHOLE TOWN! I wish I could remember the name but at the moment I can't seem to remember my name.

So this is what I posted on her blog:

I think it might be peoples guilty concious. Its so deeply ingrained in us to fix the wrongs of our past that we exaggerate so as not to feel left out of our own ignorance. (wow, forgive me for that sentance that probably is more profound than I have the capacity for at the moment. I shall take credit at a date to be determined...) But I just wanted to tell you that my grandmother definitely is from Native Amer. desent but she never told my mom until my grandma's sisters told my mom. Apparently my Great Grandma was from straight off the reservation, her father took the children and ran away when she was very young. My grandmother was ashamed of this heritage because she saw them as stupid, illiterate hill billys and left home at the age of 16 and never looked back. she wrote 'white' on applications and established herself in the court system as a court clerk. I was 12 before I knew any of this. My mom has tried to discover the tribe of which we are associated with no success. Those stories didn't get passed due to shame and illiteracy. But about a year ago my mom was diagnosed with a rare back disease that has only ever been found in a small tribe of native americans found in the mountains of Virginia. So I guess that is her best lead so far. Apparently my Great Grandma would leave these prayer bags under my pillow when I was younger and my grandma or mom always found them and through them out. My great g-ma said I had the gift and that it needed to be nurtured. I never got a chance to find out exactly what that gift was because she died when I was 4. She was 94. maybe my gift is long life?

What I didn't write was that I've got a pretty darn good idea as to what gift my great g-ma spoke of. I shall not reveal it here because its too intense for my lackadasical brain at the moment and probably too intense for most readers alert brains. One day I shall reveal my super power to you and you will all bow in my vast ridiculousness. That is after pointing laughing for about 10 minutes...

I just took an Ambien so things could get hinky...

What is the deal with the Olive Garden constantly being able to offer never-ending this and never-ending that? First they started with the salad and bread sticks then progressed to soup and now pasta. Pasta? It's only $7.95 for all you can eat of your choice of sauce and pasta. I don't know about you guys, but I can only eat so much pasta. Most of the time I have to get a to-go box and I doubt they will let you do that with the all you can eat deal. What am I talking about, I'll never go to the Olive Garden.

Now the 'Never Ending Story' that was a good idea...

I absolutely am in love with commercials these days. Why is it that now that I have a DVR commercials are grabbing my attention? It's probably that whole, 'You always want what you haven't got' thing. So since I now have the ability to fast forward through the commercials they now make me want to watch them. My new favorite is Nike commercial with Maria Sharapova where everyone is singing 'I feel Pretty' as she walks by. That rocks because then she gets out there and NAILS the HECK out of the ball! She ain't no Anna Kournakova clone, that is fo' sho'. And of course you have to give props to the MAC commercials with the dude from 'Waiting' in them. You know the ones where he is introduces himself as a Mac and the bald dorky dude intros himself as a pc. Classic advertising.

I am however sick of car commercials and Target commercials. EVERYone is going to shop at target so don't worry about being artsy. And its not like I'm gonna see a great deal for a Ford and then run out and buy one. Enough already.

You know what we need more of?
Cowbell.
WE NEED MORE Cowbell!

I wish my butt sparkled...

I was just reading over blogs on here and noticed a girls icon on Karin's page. It is a picture of just the lower back, butt and upper thighs of a girl wearing a shiny skirt that apears to shimmer with the light. I see things like this and I wonder what it would be like to be that girl. I'm sure that isn't Karin's blogging friends butt. Who's butt is it? Why can't it be my butt? Why don't I have sparkly skirts and butterfly tattoos? What do I have to wear to get an icon made out of my butt?

My life constantly revolves like this. I constantly wonder why not me? Why don't people pay attention to me? Why don't people do things for me? Why don't people think of me? Does that make me narcissistic or just self-indulgent? My life is going better than it ever has. I'm loving school, I have myself on a path to getting help with my mental problems, I actually think I can do something with my life and I have a wonderful place to live. I'm not constantly obsessing over spending the rest of my life alone, nor am I scared that I can't pay my bills. So why am I still struggling?

Some would argue that I need God. But what is God? I've had God and I got pregnant and shunned from my church. I got treated like a leaper by my family and wound up with nowhere to live and my boyfriend was cheating on me. So no, God isn't my option. And don't give me that faith crap, or that "HE was testing you" crap. A true and loving God wouldn't leave his children out there to flounder and flop. I know that tons of people find comfort in God and religion and such. I do not. I know there isn't much that I find comfort in but I know it isn't religion. I do consider myself spritual, but not religious. You can only be let down so many times before you stop trying.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking anyones religious beliefs at all. People find comfort in many different things. I would never try and force my beliefs on anyone and I certainly wouldn't want someone trying to force theirs on me. I think that people who do that are close minded and hypocritical. It is ridiculous to assume that your way is the only way. Thats like saying that an entire nation of people ie: India is going to Hell because they don't accept Jesus as their Lord and Personal Savior. Thats just nuts.

Ok I think I've sufficiently offended enough people to go to bed now...

Why didn't someone tell me...

So I finished my first week of community college and I have got to say, it is SOOOO much easier than the University. It's like everyone is holding your hand every single step of the way. They tell you every single step to do and when to do it. Its really just, amazing.

I guess that is why they say to go to a community college from high school. There is just enough of real college life to prepare you for a university. I could be thinking that this is so much easier because I just spent two years at a rather large university and still managed to pull myself out with 'sophomore' status, almost junior. My GPA teetered on 2.3 until the last semester where it plumetted.

I am just blown away at how willing the professors are to help you. It might just be mine but he is 'truely' interested in furthering everyones career. I'm in the paralegal program as you may have guessed from my lateset post. The department head is a lawyer and has been for the past 27 years. He is also my instructor for the first 'box car'. Our program is taught in four week sections in which the first class is done everyday for 4 weeks 2-3 hours a day. He set it up that way so at any point in time someone can join the program at any time. I'm learning quite a bit about paralegals and that I don't have to be stuck in a law office doing grunt work for an attorney. My options are pretty much infinite. I'm kinda excited about this and really think I've found something that actually think I can do.

I need a moment of your time...

I have a project to do in one of my classes and it envolves me asking some simple questions of a large sampling of individuals. If you have the time, do you mind filling out the answers to the questions below and emailing them back to me? They don't have to be long answers however the more detail you go into will certainly help me better understand your answers. All answers are confidential and I won't use your name in project analysis if you do not want me to. I need this by Saturday evening sometime because I have to turn the project in on Monday. Thank you for your time and if you don't want to help me out I will understand.

Jade


1. What is your current occupation and how long have you done this kind of work?

2. What level of education do you have?

3. What is your age?

5. Do you know anyone who is or was a paralegal?

4. What is a paralegal?

5. What does a paralegal do?

6. Where does a paralegal work?

7. Should a paralegal be required to have a license or other credential?

8. Have you ever considered being a paralegal yourself?



Thank you for taking the time to fill this out for me. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. You can email your answers to: Jadeepoo@gmail.

Jade

Expressions.

If you haven't heard 'Shadowboxer' by Fiona Apple, I strongly suggest you do. I love her music but this song has always hit home for me. I've always longed to be able to express my feelings in metaphors. There is just something so poetic about that.

Speaking of which, I actually hate poetry. Not really poetry itself, just the word poem. I hate the way some people pronouce it. It's like they are saying 'pohm'. Man that grinds my gears. I hate it when people get so rapped up in the idea of poetry that they think they are artsy because they know a poem or two.

On another note, I absolutely LOVE the new show on Food Network called Road Tasted. Its hosted by Paula Dean's sons, Bobby and Jamie. They travel all over the country learning to make really awesome things that are famous and can be shipped to you. That really isn't a good description but its a cool show. I think the reason I love it so much is because I love to listen to those guys talk. They remind me of good old boys, but not the redneck kind. The kind that makes you want to go to a high school football game. Only the true southerners will know what I'm talking about.

I have apparently lost my mind.

I would first like to start out by apoligizing to Andrew. I have been a reader of his for quite sometime and very much enjoy reading his blog. He has been going through some difficult times and I'm sure I've not made it better with my insane accusations and ridiculous emails. You see for the past week everytime I've gone to his page all I've gotten is the same blog he posted a week ago about having the funks. I am the only one who had commented on that blog and I haven't seen any others since then.

So not having Andrews blog to read I go read some other peoples and notice that Andrew has been commenting on their blogs as recently as a few hours before I looked at his blog. I'm like "What the?". So me being the insane person that I am automatically assume the he has blocked me from being able to see his blogs. I don't even know that that is possible but I figured that since he is so adept at computer things that he knows how and has blocked me. Why in the world I have no idea, but now it was totally in my head that he hated me and didn't want me reading his blogs. I've sent him several emails to which he hasn't replied so that just added fuel to my fire.

Well then I decided to call him out and send him and email telling him that I know what he has done that its ok if he doesn't want me to read his blog anymore. So then I log into internet explorer, which is the browser my boyfriend uses and go to Andrews blog. I see blog after blog after blog that has NEVER come up on my browser. So then I really freak out. I go back to my browser and out of sheer whim hit the refresh button. Low and behold Andrews blog in all its glory appears in front of me.

Andrew must think that I am a certified nut case. And with good reason because according to my doctors its a wonder I've never been committed. I guess this is what happens when you move to the country with no 'real' friends and your only source or human contact comes from a computer screen. I feel like such a complete psycho and don't understand why I get so worked up like that over small things. I guess once I finally either get medicated or working with a therapist these insane over-reactions will settle. I certainly hope so because now people I don't even know think I'm a nut job.

Spiraling.

I can't always tell what is real and what isn't.
Is this real?

School started today. Lots and lots of people. I had to walk way farther than I did at the University. I have a horrible blister on my left foot. Class wasn't scary at all and I'm very happy to have signed up for this one. There seems to be a lot of people in the class that know one another from other paralegal classes. That tends to alienate people and I felt a little overwhelmed with it. Hopefully they will stop with all that 'I know more than you do' crap.

I also met with the psycologist today. Almost had a panic attack in the lobby. Not such a nice receptionist. Seems like they would make people in a mental health office be nice and accomidating.

I made one of Rachel Ray's recipes this weekend. It was awesome.

It's Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies...

There is a simple song lyric that pretty much describes the way I feel about life. “It’s not always rainbows and butterflies its compromise that moves us along.” I’ve used this pop lullaby as a point of focus for changing my views on life and my pursuit of happiness. It took me a long time to get to that point. I’ve always thought that one day I would just wake up and there would be this big breakthrough. That one day life would just happen. I’ve grown up a lot and discovered that life doesn’t work that way. Compromise is an integral part of making that discovery.

Compromise seems like a relatively benign word. Its whole intention is to give a little from both sides so that everyone shares equally in the joys and heartaches. The actual definition of the word is a settlement of differences by mutual concessions. However, giving into change isn’t something that has come easy in my life. This is mainly due to the secondary definition of compromise which is to make vulnerable to danger and/or scandal. I spend so much of my life terrified of change, absolutely terrified to the point of tears at times. I like to live in a comfort zone so as not to disrupt the delicate balance of thoughts in my head. This comfort zone keeps me safe from the ever changing world around me but also puts me at a disadvantage. If you spend your life sheltered from change then you never grow as a person. I’m learning to step out of my comfort zone and experience the real world. A world that is full of change and compromise.

A major point of compromise came about when I decided to go back to school. I decided I didn’t want to wake up again to a life of mediocrity. I realized that the only way to do that was to continue my education and get out of this vicious cycle of working dead end restaurant jobs that only led to body aches and stress. My first job when I was sixteen was waiting tables at a small little family restaurant in High Point called Gordy’s Broasted Chicken. I took to it like a fish to water and was soon well on my way to making quick and easy cash in hand. This job discovery can now be looked at as a blessing and a curse. I know I will always have a job because I can walk into any restaurant in the world basically and be making cash money within a week. But this also leads to the comfort zone I mentioned earlier. I know I can work in any restaurant anywhere so therefore I don’t set my goals any higher. All that changed about a year ago. I came to the realization that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life on my feet catering to the general public’s obsession with ranch dressing. I wanted to go to school. I longed to be educated. I was tired of only having conversations with people about how so and so was sleeping with this manager or that to get the good shifts and how great these new insoles for my shoes are. I needed to experience a different more well rounded life.

This is when the compromise comes in. I knew that if I wanted to go to school I would have to get my financial aid paperwork done and I would have to apply to a school. I also would have to learn time management skills and how to find my way around a big, scary campus. I have big issues with coming across as unknowledgeable. I don’t like for people to think I don’t know what I’m doing. So I had to compromise with my inner self and do a little calling around and setting up of appointments. Before I even knew it I was enrolled at UNCG with full financial aid and a little extra to pay for my living expenses so I wouldn’t have to work so much. The funny thing about change and compromise is, once you’ve done it, it’s not really as scary as you thought it was going to be.

Life is for the living and in order to experience life you have to live it. A lot of people get hung up on what they should be doing rather than what they actually are doing. If you don’t get out there and make your life happen it won’t. I’m living proof of that. I used to think that one day there will be this big breakthrough and I’ll be grown up. That never happened. I had to realize that I’m 28 years old and if I want to be an adult I just have to start being one. No one is going to hand me anything in this life and nothing is just going to magically happen for me. I have to work for everything I get and it doesn’t come easy. Nothing ever does, but when you work for a goal and actually accomplish it, your rewards seem much sweeter.

In the last year, I have had more good days than bad. I’ve taken the bad times and learned from them rather then writing them off as bad luck and bad timing. I've experienced highs of the greatest magnitude and I’ve let myself enjoy them. I've danced when given the option of sitting it out. I've willed my soul into submission and given up being perfect. No one is perfect and I have stopped penalizing the brave ones that try to be. I have developed more of a sense of self worth and learned to love me for who I am. That is one compromise I am happy to have made. I now embrace my flaws and imperfections and use them as character building blocks. Everyday is an adventure in self discovery and it helps to find a road map once in awhile. I find more and more out about myself with every new experience. I’m still a little scared of change but I’ve also learned that change is the only way to develop and grow as a person. Growing is an essential part to the life process and I’m eternally grateful to the people who have helped me learn this along the way.

This was written 2 years ago. I'm now 30 and still hate change.

Archives a plenty.

Here is another classic from my bag of tricks. I hope it inspires. The sad thing is I still feel mostly this way about my life.

Sunday, November 13, 2005


Maybe it's just me but...
Current mood: cynical

Does internet dating sometimes seem like a race to you? Like if you've found someone cool you need to hurry up and let them know how awesome you are before someone swoops in with half naked pictures and trendy hair and swallows them up?

I think I'm an amazing individual. I have a killer sense of humor. (Which very few people get but when they do, I crack them up like whoa) I have varied intrests on many aspects of life. I enjoy several genres of music and film. I enjoy a quiet evening at home just as much as wild night on the town. I take pride in my appearance and want to represent myself with the utmost dignity when being presented. I can carry on a conversation in almost any social situation. I have a huge heart that sometimes gets trampled in the process of giving it freely. I try to look at every possible aspect of a scenario before jumping to conclusions and acting on said hunches. I'm very loyal and loving. I would never think of maliciously hurting anyone. There is never any evil in my heart. I would rather talk out a situation than let it escalate.

I guess all this comes back to my two major downfalls, patience and priorities. I'm trying ever so hard to work on them, truely I am. But it is just so hard when everytime you turn around what you thought you had was never really there to begin with. Can you imagine what its like to wake up and know, I mean deep down know, that you are completely alone in this world. I have friends. I have great friends. But when it comes down to it at the end of the day the only person I have is me. I can't depend on others to get me out of bed. I can't depend on others to make sure that I sleep at night. I can't depend on others to lift me up when I'm sad and to feed me when I'm hungry. All I have in this life is me, and I'm not exactly the prize I once was.

This is where the patience runs thin. I don't want to be alone. I want someone to share my successes with. I want someone to console me in my failures. But the problem is, I want them NOW. That is physically and mentally impossible. And there is also a distinct possibility that it is improbable as well.

Then we encounter the priorities portion of the show. My priorities are all screwed up. I place a higher priority on making time for someone I don't even know when I can't even seem to find the time to visit my dying grandparents! I hate that I'm this way. I hate it. (This is where my self-loathing eclipses my good qualities, therefore making it virtually impossible to correct any of the afore mentioned issues)

I wish I could be 'that girl'. You know the one. The one that has it all together. The one that can get up in the morning, get her workout in, drink her coffee with a healthy breakfast while reading the paper and simultaniously watch Headline News. The one that gets her day started when it should start and manages to get it all in. The one that goes to bed completely satisfied at the end of the day that she had done everything she needed to do that day to have a restful nights sleep. The one that loves life and has the ability to make sure hers counts for something. You know, 'that girl'.

This blog was way longer than I intended it. If you don't feel like actually reading the whole thing, at least read the stuff in parenthesis. K. Thanks.

I got the job and the diagnosis...

I start at the new place on September 2nd. I'm soooo excited. Finally I'll make new friends and have a job that is only 10 minutes away. I just hope that this restaurant does well. In my experience restaurants that aren't chains or franchaises tend to fizzle after the initial opening. Cross your fingers.

I met with the therapist today. Things are looking up. I can't wait to get this therapy underway and start school and start my new job. Lots of changes are ahead. I hope I make it out alive.

My blogs are getting boring because I am forcing myself to type something. Anything. I used to be an amazing writer. I have lost that. I need a jump start.

I do my best blogging while trying to sleep.

As I lay in bed at night I think of the most profound blogs. Epic blogs that would go down in history. But I feel like if I get up then I will never get sleepy again. I always think that the next morning I will remember them to post them. I don't. Ever.

So I got a job. I'm super excited because I will be opening a new restaurant here in town. I'm back bartending again, thank goodness. We go to orientation on September 2nd and will start training the following Monday. Finally I don't have an hour drive one way to work. Yay!

I also go to my initial intake meeting at Triumph today. I get 2 hours to talk about my depression and anxiety. My counselor then decides the best course of action for my treatment. I'm very proud of myself for sticking with this, but of course I'm on an upswing. I start school next week, I have a new job starting in approximately 2 weeks and I've made strides in curbing my appetite. These upswings usually last about a month and then I'm back in the pit of dispair. I hope I can make this last longer by continuing treatment.

This blogging site is confusing...a little help?

I know I'm not the most computer literate person in the world, heck I flunked out of UNCG last semester because I simply didn't understand Excell. But after I play around with something a little I can usually figure it out.

Well I've been playing around with this ridiculous mess for awhile and still can't seem to get the hang of it. I have it set so that I moderate comments. Usually I get an email telling me someone has posted and I can choose to publish it or reject it. Apparently two of my favorite readers commented awhile back and I never got the email. I thought they had abandoned me.

I just happened to go to the 'moderate comments' section of my blog just to check and low and behold there they were. I feel like a douche.

I've also deleted that annoying blog with the cartoon and the funny song. But for some reason when I go back to 'veiw blog' its still there. But if I just go to my blog it isn't. I hope it has cleared itself and most of you arent' stuck listening to it. I thought it was hilarious the first time I heard it, but now I really aggrivates me as I'm sure it does you all.

I really need people in my life and seeing as how I live in the middle of nowhere with very limited social interaction, I really appreciate the social aspect of blogger. Mainly because I don't know any of you in real life so I can get a perspective of what you think of me based solely on my writing. Unbiased opinions are what keep me getting up in the morning.

Thank you for your readership.

Oh and the whole reason for the post, is there another way to tell when someone has commented? I really wish I knew when someone comments on what I've commented on on their page. I love LiveJournal for this feature.

Where did you go?

Lately I've been getting little to no comments on my blog. Is that due to my lack of readership or lack of entertaining blogs?

(here I go taking things personal again.)

Dawning

I had two appointments today and created another.

The first was for my mental issues. I spoke last week of how I needed help and made an appointment at Triumph for Thursday of last week. Due to the fact that I was allowed an extended stay at the beach, I called and rescheduled for today. I knew that I needed to get help for my depression, however shortening a free beach trip would surely lead to more of it.

When I got to Triumph I was slightly overwhelmed by the amount of people in the building at 9am. Upon further inspection I realized that the actual Triumph place is on the the second floor and all of those people were there for the medicaid pharmacy on the bottom floor. Whew! I almost went into shutdown panic attack mode and bolted. Luckily I kept my stride steady and my gaze on the signage.

When I reached the top floor I was greated by an adorable blonde girl who couldnt' have been older than 22. She smiled alot and had a 'Little House on the Praire' quality to her. She seemed extremely nervous and introduced herself as Bree. She was to do my intake and I was emensely pleased with her. She had a thick braid and lots of silver jewelry. She wore dark jeans and pretty flower print wrap shirt with bejeweled sandles. Her finger nails and toe nails were painted blue with a top coat that looked like a disco ball. This made me smile. I thought of her life. I imagined she has dogs and loves WideSpread Panic. I bet she also likes to hike and has a vegetable garden in her backyard.

She had me fill out paperwork and then set me up with a counselor. I go back on Thursday to actually talk about why I'm there and decide on a course of action as far as meds and/or therapy goes. The cool thing is that even though I don't have medicaid I still can pay on a sliding scale and have $9-$11 co-pays for my meds if they put me on them.

I'm in an upswing right now, so hopefully they will agree to still see me. I can be very convincing that I'm 'OK' when I'm up. And when I'm down, I simply can't be motivated to get help.

My Birthday Pictures!

Well it happened. I turned 30 yesterday. I don't feel any different. But somehow I feel a tad bit more distinguished and possibly a few pounds lighter due to the fact that I spent most of yesterday throwing up. That of course was because Saturday night we went to Jake's and random people kept buying me shots.








Thanks to Josh and Joey I was on special for $3.75. The Jade Rocks shot which was actually a red headed slut (jagermeister, peach schnapps, and cranberry) was a popular choice that evening. Josh also bought me balloons and had them all over the place along with a Happy Birthday banner. I couldn't believe it! Josh was our bartender and his brother Joey is an old friend of mine. Joey owns the little grill in Jakes.

















Before the Jake's debauchery, we ate dinner at Ganache Bakery and Cafe. If you've never been to or heard of Ganache, you need to immediately drive to Greensboro and get a slice of cake from them. They make the best cake in the WORLD! And probably the most expensive. A regular size birthday cake is approximately $70. Yea. We all got a slice of different cakes.





The rest of the night we played pool and the jukebox and generally had a blast! Here are the rest of the pictures:

A new era of freedom.

I called today and made myself an appointment to speak with someone about my depression. I have an appointment at Triumph here in Forsyth County on Thursday at 11am. I never would have been able to get in to see someone so soon in Guilford County. I'm guessing there are less crazy people here in Forsyth. Yay for me.

After work tonight I will be driving to Wilmington. Its a three hour trip and then I will crawl into bed with my honey at his hotel for a few hours sleep. Then I will get up and go find the least populated spot on one of the beaches, most likely Kure Beach since it tends to be more family oriented, and set up camp for the day. I have a brand new book to read called "Gods in Alabama". Its a book about a girl who ran from her past only to have it catch up with her 10 years later in the form of the head cheerleader from her high school on her doorstep. Its by a southern author and promises intrigue and humor. I will read that book all day while soaking up the sun on the beach. Then I will drive home.

Tomorrow will be a good day.

Mental help can't be far off.

I need to realize that the world doesn't revolve around me. When people don't return my calls or whatever, it isn't because they hate me. When people are snippy on the phone and in a hurry to get off it probably has nothing to do with me. I get my feelings hurt way too often over things that don't envolve me.

I'm fairly sure that one of my friends lies to me often. She does so because she is inherantly a bad person. Pretty much everything she does is lie, cheat and steal and then she wonders why things always turn out bad for her. I am refering of course to "the princess". Mental instability is her main reason. She seems to always have taken some pill without eating or had a panic attack when she doesn't follow through with plans for me. I call bull crap on all of it.

My birthday is Sunday. It's the big one. I'm gonna ge 30 and I'm pretty darn scared. I have no stable income, no stable homelife, and no stability mentally. I'm pretty much a failure at any and everything I try. My so called friends are a joke and boyfriend is moodier than a woman. I am a huge procrastinator and very flaky. I feel as though my life is in shambles and have no way out or any motivation to fix it. Most people are grown up by 30. I'm just entering puberty.

After going to my sisters and seeing all that she has; a loving family, a great house, a comfortable life, I am jealous. She didn't go to college. She didn't do anything to get any of that but marry well. She married a man that loves her unconditionally. She was on drugs so bad when she met him that she almost ruined it all. But alas, she cleaned herself up and made a wonderful home for them and started poppin out babies. I always tend to believe that her life has worked out because she is beautiful. Attractive people get all the breaks no matter what anyone says. It is a fact. I'm not saying that her life is wonderful because she has material things, she has personal success as well.

When we first arrived at her house her husband and the kids started goofin around and play fighting. Then she got in the act and she and her husband started chasing each other around the house in a play fight royal rumble. Everyone fell in a heap in the basement in a flutter of giggles. I want that. I want such a comfortableness and stability. I want happiness.

My Vacation Pictures, finally.

I promised you all pictures of my vacation. I just now got them all resized and uploaded and blah blah. So here they are.

After my "flight from hell" that I posted about previously, my sister Stephanie picked up Me, my neice Sarah, and my Stepmom Dana at the airport and took us back to her house in Chalfont, PA. About a year and a half ago they bought a ranch on 22 acres in Bucks County PA. If you have never seen the countryside of PA and you enjoy beautiful scenery, check it out!


  

  

  

It took them a year to remodel the farm house and the pool was put in the week before I arrived. While we were at the shore, the area around the pool got paved and a diving board was added. They had just aquired a golden retriever who was suffering from separation anxiety. His name is Sammy and he is ALL puppy! I played with him in the backyard all day and later my brother in law took him into the pool to teach him to swim. He previously had been terrified of pool. The poor thing was tuckered out and napping in his favorite chair. The chair used to have a cushion that he removed everyday to sleep in. My sister continued to put the cushion back in the chair until Sammy got fed up and drug the cushion out into the corn feild behind the house. Smart doggie.


  

The following are picture of my niece Sarah and my nephew Johnny in their bedrooms.


  

  

Here is my stepmom and sister lounging in the den. Stephanie's houses are always so comfortable.


  

Here is us in the front yard preparing to leave for the shore.


  

  

We had about a 2 hour drive to Grandma Marie's shore house. On the way us 'kids' decidedt to watch a movie. Sarah grabbed some dvd's to chose from but we found when we opened the case of "Pirates of the Carribean", that the dvd wasn't in the case. Dang it! So we got stuck watching "White Chicks". By the look on our faces you can tell we had made the wrong choice.


  

Once we arrived at the shore, It was non-stop pool time!


  

  

  

  




  

  

  

  




  

This is the front of the house. I think the entryway is absolutely gorgeous!


  

  

As the sun goes down the veiw of the bay is breathtaking. At night you can see the the lights of Atlantic City and you can make out the Trump Taj Mahal very easily. During the day there is a 'Pirate Ship' that goes out into the bay full of kids. They fire water cannons at passing boats. It's pretty funny!


  

  

We did manage to clean ourselves up and hit the town. We went to dinner and the Boardwalk in Ocean City. On another day we went to Atlantic City and I went to my very first Couture Mall. It's called "The Peirs" and it is in Ceasars Palace. It was fun but it is much more fun to shopping in a place where you actually can afford to buy something. BCBG Max Azaria was having a 70% off sale and there still wasn't anything in the store for under $100! My neice got some jeans at this really neat store, Adrienne Goldschmidt or something like that. They were $175! Do you know what I could do with that kinda money at Old Navy?!?! But she is growing up in a different lifestyle than I did at her age. I tried to win some money in Ceasars Palace but alas, I lost $5 in quarter slots and hung up my gambling hat. Johnny got a henna tattoo on the boardwalk and thought he was da bomb. It's funny how all he needs is a $20 henna tattoo and Sarah needs $175 jeans. They are so different.


  

  

  

  




  

  

  

  




  

  


Well that was my trip. Hope you all enjoy it as much as I did, sans the plane ride.