GOOD LORD!

I haven't been here in awhile and it apparently shows! I just tried to log in and was all but accosted by my screen! Apparently I hadn't registered my google account but thought that I had or that I just would automatically be able to get in because I have a google account and it had it saved. WRONG! I liked this site because it was easy and all of the sudden it's turned into hoop jumping! What the?

All I wanted for Christmas was a puppy!

And I got one!

Introducing.....

Matilda Beatrice Devine






Matilda's father was a champion English Bulldog weighing in at a whopping 95lbs! Unfortunately he passed away in August. Her mother is an AKC register American Pit Bull Terrier that is approximately 75lbs.

Matilda is barely 13 weeks old and almost 20lbs herself! She is super sweet and very timid. She is just getting used to us as she has been kept in an outdoor kennel with 20 other breeding dogs!

She has the prettiest green eyes and the saddest little face. She shivered in my lap the long drive home from Randleman.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why do they eat each other?

I was just wondering about a few things and thought I might run them by the masses...

Do you think that the real deer see all the brightly lit 'moving' reindeer and think they are ghosts?

Why do strangers always tell you to smile? What gives them the right to tell me what to do with my face? Since they have taken the liberty to tell me to change my expression, can I tell them that they really do look fat in those jeans?

If there is life on other planets why do they only reveal themselves to lowest dregs of society? You never hear a stockbroker or a senator talking about how they got anal probed by little green people.

If heat rises, why is it hotter in the south?

Who decides that it is now time to bring back link belts and leggings? Why can't we come up with some new fashions instead of recycling the same old crap that only looked good on 1% of the population in the first place?

Why in the world would someone look at a tiny newborn and decide to name it Larry or Agnes? And what are we gonna do in 50 years when we have a bunch of old women named Brittney and Taylor? Can you imagine taking your kids to see grandma Brittney? What the?

Why is it that if I want to go to the tanning bed I have to hear from everybody on the planet how bad 'those things are for me' while they are chain smoking and slamming shots of jager?

Why is it that every single 13-17 year old I've come in contact with wears black eyeliner and strategically ripped jeans while constantly taking pictures of themselves making sad faces to post on MySpace? When did being sad and not knowing how to properly apply makeup become hip?

Why do people with plain names that end in 'y' change it to an 'i'? That doesn't make you cute, it just makes you desperate for some sense of individuality. You're parents named you something boring, we all know they didn't spell it stupid like that. And if they did, why? Spell kids names normal so people won't screw them up on EVERYTHING. Take it from someone name CARLYE JADE not CARLYLE JANE.

These are just a few of the things I've been wondering about in my fits of depression mixed with new medication paranoia.

Ruining weddings and other things I'm scared of...

I need to lose 40 lbs for my health and my sanity. We all know i've said this before but I've also done this before and can do it again with the help of my trusty WW. I'm up to 205lbs folks and its startin' to show in my jowls and that ain't cool.

Losing the weight isn't the problem, the problem is if I lose the weight I'll ruin April's wedding. I know this sound ridiculous to even say aloud. Why would one of my best friends not want me to look my best for her wedding and improve my health at the same time?

Well, because I've already been fitted for and ordered the dress and the darn thing can only be taken in two sizes. The wedding isn't until the end of April (I know, April's getting hitched in April...how cute.) I can lose 50lbs in 16 weeks if I put my mind to it and mom has already said she is going to get me a Suddenly Slender package to tighten up the skin this go round so I won't look like an empty sack of flesh naked. (nice visual eh?) But what am I gonna do?

Do I go ahead with my newly found motivation and lose the darn weight and just kinda hope we can find someone to make the dress fit me? Or do I just wait it out and start after the wedding? I can't do that either because I'm in Kelly's wedding in June! Geez people, will ya quit with the marrying already! Just live together, its cheaper when ya break up!

Back to me... I'm growing at astronomical proportions here and I have to get a grip on this because I have too many cute clothes to gain anymore weight, dang it! Plus I can't wear my sexy crap anymore because I end up looking like the trailer princess who fell out of her mustang on the way to Arizona Petes Country Western Bar! Just say no to Muffin Tops!

The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is on FIIIRREE!

There is something very unsettling about turning on your tv expecting to see Oprah but instead seeing all your memories up in flames. My High School is presently on fire. Apparently the chemistry lab exploded at approximately 2:20pm today. They keep reiterating that no one was hurt or even in the particular classroom that caught fire, but I tend to think that is to settle down the masses. Not that I assume anyone is hurt, I just find it odd that they would keep repeating it.

Yet another sign that my life has changed course. I no longer am that girl. My childhood is burning to ashes in a fire that appears to be uncontrollable.

I wonder if the fire knows that it is doing this for me?

I wonder if it realizes that in all actuality this fire is reaffirming the fact that nothing lasts forever and resistance to that is futile.

I feel so...

I don't know..

whats the word...

out of place?

Misplaced?

insignificant?

under-appreciated?

left-behind?

I don't know...

But the weird thing is that I really am not freaking out about it. I'm just like, oh well. Whatever. Normally I would be all frantic and flippin out. But for some reason I'm just noticing and feeling these feelings but it's almost like I'm looking through a wall at it happening to someone else.

I guess its the medication. It must be the medication. Its calmed the paranoia but made the anger worse. Much, much, much worse. I'm scared I'm going to hurt myself or someone else very soon. But yet, they can't seem to come up with the funds to allow me to have counseling. Hmmm. Weird, considering I get $350 worth of medication every month for only $50. Yet they don't have funding for me to see a therapist about my rage issues? So I'm on a waiting list. I shall wait.

You know you are an adult when...And other things I thought I'd never say.

my back is on fire...
You know I've always heard that people with big boobs have back problems. I've never experienced that until the past year and I've had these knockers for what seems like a decade...oh wait...it has been.

So I got a Dyson from my honey for Christmas. Not just any Dyson mind you but a PINK Dyson. The one that is for Breast Cancer Awareness. I got it early because there was only one left and it was $200 off the original price and I called my honey in a fit of joy and disbelief. He told me to put it my cart and said Merry Christmas. You know you are finally a grown up when you get excited over a vacuum cleaner!

Well this is the big weekend. I just finished making 100 jello shots and that isn't even half of them! It's 2:08am and I have class at 9am. I'm going to be doing legal research in the law library at Wake until noon. Then I have to rush to Costco to pick up the fruit and juice for the pj. By the time I get home I'll about 2 hours to clean the house before I have to go to work. Then when I get off work, i'll finish the rest of the jello shots and soak the fruit in the liquor. Tomie should be at the house by then and we will work out a game plan for this god-forsaken shindig.

These people better have the most fun of their fricken lives at this darn thing or I'm gonna kill em!

I'm having a Ball!

Well I've got Bronchitis.
So I'm stuck in the house.

Along with this house stuckage comes the wonderful planning of a Halloween Party! It originally was my friend T's party but she has to move from her current location prior to the party date so my loving, yet stubborn boyfriend has grudgingly agreed to let her have it here.

This thing has taken on a life of its on, mainly due to the fact that my insanity has gone into overdrive and is now on autopilot in the party planning department of my brain. It's a welcomed change from the doldrums that usually inhabit the annals of my minds hallowed halls so I'm not complaining.

But as some of you have seen, I'm a natural born promoter and I've started pushing this thing with a ferver like this town has never seen! I'm may just end up with a mess on my hands and I haven't even asked off for work yet. Oops. But I didn't think it would be a good idea to do that since I've been out of work all week with a bronchial infection. I don't want to say, "oh and by the way, I'm gonna need the 28th and 29th off for a massive party in my backyard that most of the staff is probably gonna try and ask off for too, k thanks." So I thought I would just ease myself into that one. I'm not too worried about the staff asking off for that Saturday night, I'm mainly worried for them all calling in the next day from ghoulish hangovers. =/

But none the less, this is gonna be legendary and I've got some spooky surprises already planned. I want to ask ya'll for any tips to cheaply decorating and creating spooky scares in the backyard. Oh did I mention its an outdoors event for the most part? Also the event is called The Monster's Ball '06. So you can kinda see the theme. My house is nestled in a slope and there is a creek running next to the entrance to the basement. The basement is pretty much the only inside part of the party.

In our basement we have a billards table, a professional dart board, and a 'game of skill' slot machine. There is also a corner with a tv and some seating that will eventually be a bar. Off from that area is a home theatre with a wide screen HDTV and surround sound and lots of comfy couch seating. I think I will probably play Halloween themed movies on that all night.

Ok any suggestions beyond that?

Apparently my cootie shot wore off...

So Parlancheq tagged me with these ridiculous meme's. (What does that even mean?) And I guess since I've just left the drs. office with contagious diagnosis of bronchitis, sinusitis and some other itis that I can't remember, then I have plenty of time on my hands. I can't return to work until Saturday and we are officially on fall break at school so I have nothing due until Wednesday of next week. So here goes the taggin' and the meme-in'.


The Work Meme


1. What is the best thing about your workplace?

Let's see here...
The best thing about my workplace is that I'm bartending again. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I started grabbing those bottles and throwing around those tumblers. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten back into my continuous rhythm yet so I drop alot of said bottles and tumblers. Oh well. I'm workin' on it.

2. What do you hate about your workplace?

I hate the fact that the bar is so un-user friendly. There is no storage, no work space, no space to move around, no set place to put anything, etc. However, it is beautiful. This seems to be a metaphor for life, most things that are beautiful will always seem to win out over function and longevity. Remember that kids, strive to be Barbie, not Martha Stewart. Barbie drives a corvette, Martha got locked in the slammer and her family hates her.

3. What small irritance at your workplace really annoys you?

The fact that you have to go all the way to walk in cooler to get creamer for coffee instead of them just icing down a 1/4 pan and droppin in a container of half and half. I don't know why they don't want to do this but it really seems the simplest solution to the creamer issue. Work smart, not hard people.

4. Describe the actions/quirks of the weirdest person you work with (can be a co-worker, employer, or a vendor if you are self-employed).

I agree with Parlancheq, I hear on a daily basis from co-workers "you are so weird".

5. What is one thing that you would change at your workplace to make life a helluva lot better?

I would make them all listen to me and do as I say. Wouldn't that make every job better?

Now I tag these 5 bloggers who hopefully will forgive me for doing so:
(I don't know how to make these fancy click on links like Parlancheq so I hop eyou people still read my blog or else the tag will just be floating in sea of unrequited tagged-ness...)

-Abbagirl (I'm not really sure what she does but I've always wondered cause I know she travels alot and there is some kinda retail in there somehow.)
-Firefly (Her life just seems interesting)
-Karin (I wonder what wonder's she has in her Korner)

And well as sad as it may seem folks, thats all I got to tag. I could tag others, but they wouldn't know it so it would be like touching a random person on a public bus or a subway. They might feel someone brush against them, but could careless.

Close encounters of the blogging kind...

I know I've not posted in a month of Sunday's. I can't use the excuse that I've busy. I have, in fact been busier than usual but there have been times when I could have blogged. The fact is I've been burnt out on blogging.

I started to stress myself out. I have several disorders as you may know, and one of them is a problem with panic attacks. I started to create a fan base with my blogging and thought thought that I must continue to blog on a daily basis in order to keep that up. And honestly, that is true. But only do you have to blog on a daily basis, but your blogs must be witty and entertaining daily. Do you realize how much pressure that was on me? I'm a pretty witty girl, and for the most part entertaining, but to do that on command...daily?!? It was just too much. I was cracking under the pressure.

And then I started to find more entertaining blogs than mine. And I would see that some of my fan base had commented on some peoples blogs and not on mine. I would worry that I offended them in some way or that I just wasn't living up to my full blog potential. This would send me into full on paranoia mode. I started scanning any and everyone who had ever commented on my blog's comments to see if they gave any indication as to why they weren't commenting on mine anymore. (psycho) Yes, I have a problem. Then I noticed that Abbagirl would from time to time write about me in her blogs and I started to freak out that if I didn't come up with something to say in her comments then she would hate me and never comment on mine again.

I haven't gotten a comment from Andrew in months and I just stopped keeping up with him. I assumed I was more than he was willing to handle in the online blogging friend so I weened myself from his blog. He now has made his blog private and I'm not invited, no big surprise.

The straw that broke the camels back was about a week ago I was at work and one of the other bartenders came up to me asked me did I have a blog.

"uh, yea?"

She then pointed to smiling guy at the bar waving at me and told me that is how he found the restaurant. I was shocked. I know that this is completely public and any and everyone can find it at anytime but this was just too close to home. He said that he googled my restaurants name because he was trying to find our website and my blog came up as the first hit.

HELLLOOOO!! FIRST HIT?!?!? Our restaurant has a website that is the actual name of the darn website! So why is my blog a first hit?!?!

So needless to say I deleted my blog with my restaurant name and location and will be a bit more cautious in my further posts regarding my personal life. I don't need this kinda stress. I can barely function as it is.

The glamorous life.

Back when I was single I noticed that when a guy found out that I was a bartender his attraction to me increased by about 30%. I usually left the bar with at least 2 numbers from random dudes sticking them in the tip jar or writing their number on the credit card receipt. This has always puzzled me and the only conclusion I can come to is that he thought he would get free drinks. Or the guys at the bar must have failed miserably with all the other chicks who aren't wearing a tuxedo shirt and black dockers and thought "well, she was sure nice to me all night. Maybe she likes me."

All the little servers wanna be bartenders, too. Thats all I hear from the kids at the restaurant. "How did you become a bartender? Did you have to go to school for it? Will you teach me?" Look kids, its really not all its cracked up to be. When a server takes a drink order at the table, let's say for a Margarita, a Sex on the Beach, a Pina Colada and a Guiness Draught, all they do is walk to the computer, type in the order and go run food...flirt with the cooks...clean some tables...text messege their boyfriends...smoke in the bathroom, whatever. But that order then goes to the bartenders to make. Those are four COMPLETELY different drinks that are ALL step intensive. You are lookin' at a good two minutes of turn around.

Now say you are the bartender and you take that same drink order from a group that just sat at the bar. They are sitting right in front of you so they are watching you make it and telling you that their mom's second cousin is a bartender and he makes margarita's with a splash of orange juice and they really wished I woulda made it like that, meanwhile showing you pictures of their brother-in-laws dog who just had surgery on his anus. At that same time that you are smiling and acting like you care, you also have to make the servers drinks that rang in some ridiculous shot that no one has ever heard of but some douchebag at their table heard once at a bar in jersey and is trying to impress his date. Then a wide eyed food runner comes walking out of the kitchen and just stands in front of you with arms loaded down with food mouthing the words "where's seat 10" with a mixed look of fear and too much eyeliner. While all this is going on some butt-munch walks in and wants a $2.50 beer and hands you a $100 and you know you don't have the change but the manager is at the host stand attempting to be witty with the 16 year olds he's hired to boost his ego. About this time a server brings you a chocolate martini that you made half an hour ago and says the customer wanted an apple martini instead however they didn't realize what they had until they drank half of it. Then your regular at the end of bar yells for another round of whiskey and pabst blue ribbon for his buddies and while yer at it let him get a look at those 'big ol titties'. By this time a hostess has come to inform you that there is a To Go order waiting on line one and you look up to see your ex boyfriend walk in with a 5'10" blue eyed blonde with brand new boobs and Gucci bag.

Still want my job?

Scared, Confused and otherwise freakin' the heck out!

I went to my first day of training today for my new job. I've been out of the restaurant business for the last year doing the make-up thing so its very exciting to get back into what I do best. I've been in some form of the service industry for the last 14 years and if there is one thing that I know I'm good at its this.

That having said, I'm now terrified. I get like this anytime I start a new restaurant job though. Except Tripps for some reason and I think that was because I was with Pam (my roomate at the time). This restaurant is starting out to be a Village Tavern clone.
For those of you not from the area VT is the big dog in fine dining. Us in the industry know that they set the standard by which other restaurants follow. If you can make it at VT you and make anywhere. They have always scared me a bit. All but one of the managers are from Village Tavern and one of the owners was VP of operations for them, so naturally they would display several of their standards. The sad thing is, they are kinda stealing their menu too.

The main reason I'm scared is because there are too many things taking place at once and I'm having a hard time keeping up. I'm in school and I'm trying to pass menu tests and its all just getting a little hinky. Too many things are overlapping. I'm a perfectionist so not knowing menu items the first time I'm asked in some stupid game at training today is flipping me out. I want to shine. I need to shine. My anxiety is starting to show and I feel panicy. I can't let that happen at this job.

You see not only is this a new job, its a new and only opportunity to make friends. I have lived in this area for only 3 months and I've have no friends. I am a social person and being out here in the country with no one to bond with is seriously taking a toll on me. I need that interaction and I don't want to come across as a weirdo or I won't make friends at work. All this is stressing me to the max. Luckily I have a meeting with my psychiatrist on Thursday and will hopefully get medicated so that I can cope with all this better.

I just need you all to route for me so that I can make it through this training period. I truely believe in the power of positive thinking and I need some good vibes to come my way in a major way. As sad as it may sound, my blog friends are all I have as a support group right now. I love my computer because all of my friends live in it.

Southern drawls and other things that probably get on firefly's nerves.

haha no offense to firefly I just had to come up with an attention grabbing title.

I love my southern accent and wouldn't change it for the world. However, a good portion of my family lives in Philadelphia and the surrounding Bucks County area so when I go to visit them I get constant backlash about it. My sister has lived there for over fourteen years and still has her thick accent. I can only imagine the ridiculousness she faces on a daily basis.

I can't go anywhere up there without someone commenting on my accent. The first 4 times it happens I can let it ride but when you can't ask a question without getting grilled about where you are from, it gets annoying. My grandmother is from Possum Holler NC and she has lived in PA for the last 53 years. She now has that thick yankee accent but I make sure to let others know when they say something to us and not to her.

Grandma's summer home is in New Jersey where I take the most ribbing. I absolutely love Jersey! I love everything about it, the accents, the attitudes, the big hair, the over accesesorizing, the spandex, the open shirted hairy chested men, the boardwalk, etc. But you don't see me confronting people with Jersey hair and making fun of that do you?

I guess its just a matter of how we are raised and how we are taught to tolerate differences. While 'yes ma'am' gets on firefly's nerves, it makes me feel like I've encountered a kindred spirit. A joy to encounter in such a fast paced, overly obnoxious society that we seem to be raising these days.

Don't call me Hun!

I absolutely hate to be called Hun or sweetie. It just sounds so condesending to me. I'm in the the south so I'm used to honey but when when you shorten it to Hun I just want to smack someone. If you are going to talk down to me at least have the common courtesy to use the full word!

Sweetie is worse. Girls seem to use this a lot and I tend to think its a domination thing. Like, If I call her sweetie first then she knows I'm in charge. It really really grinds my gears. Usually the 'sweetie' comment is followed closely by a fake smile. Uggh.

Dreary days make dreary minds

After a long weekend of construction in the basement and studying for a test, the last thing I wanted to do was go to school. Lucky me, my 9am class was cancelled due to my professor getting called to jury duty. I'm sure they won't pick him because he is an attorney in Forsyth County and knows almost everyone in the courthouse so it would be a conflict of interest. But I get today off none the less.

I do have a test in my computer class at 2pm. And then I start my new job directly after. Its 10:33am but looking outside you would think its 7:30 or 8pm. Its almost dark and very damp from all the rain last night. I took an ambien again last night because I couldn't sleep and I slept way too long. I have that woozy feeling and I dont' want to do anything.

Finally out of the abyss that is my workplace.

Today was my last day at The Snatcheral. (that is the not so affectionate term the girls that work there have dubbed it because the name of the place is I Natural.) I no longer have to drive an hour one way to work to make $8.50 an hour and have rich women treat me like the hired help. Not all of them act in that manner, but a good portion of the women that come there have a great deal of money and like to flaunt it. I was merely their link to the fashion trends in cosmetics and airbrush tanning and didn't warrant a more than a pityed look at my Target or Old Navy attire.

Its a shame I never wrote more about my salon adventures because there were some doozies! Maybe I will update ya'll with some back stories this weekend when I get done with my take home exam and studying for my test on Tuesday. If you have never worked in the beauty industry you are in for a hoot and a holler of a treat. Women are nuts and even more so in mass.

A quick one before I go...

I have very attractive hands. I no not have a picture of them or I would show you, but it is the one feature of mine that I am very proud of. I have very pink nail beds and long fingernails with extremely white tips. These are my natural nails and I do not have acrylic overlays or french polish. I only wear clear nail polish with proteins in them to strengthen them but no other polishes on my nails.

A woman came into the shop to purchase a something and noticed nails and asked what color I was wearing. This happens often so I gave her my standard answer that I was merely wearing clear polish and nothing else.

She looked at me like I had just slapped her and said, "I understand that but what color is under the clear?" Um, lady I just told you that I'm not wearing any.

So again I told her that I wasn't wearing any. And again with the slapped look. This time she got huffy and said, "Well if you don't want to tell me what polish you are wearing then all you have to do is say so." Helloooo NUTJOB!

"Mam I assure you that if I was wearing polish I would most definitely tell you what color it is because we work on commision and I would be more than happy to make a sale. But unfortunately for me and you, I'm not wearing nail polish. I would be happy to sell you clear nail polish if that is what you would like, but I am not, nor do I ever wear nail polish with color. I am just blessed with very healthy nails not to mention I work in a salon where I am surrounded by nail techs who constantly work on my nails when we are slow."

The lady then gets all riled up and says to me, "I get a manicure every week and my nails don't look like that!" duh, A: you don't get them done here and B: your fingers look like you regularly slam them in a car door and then bite the nails to the quick like its your full time job!

"Well next time you get your nails done ask your nail tech to just put clear on and see how you like it." I say with a pleasant smile on my face.

The lady stormed out of the shop and I never saw her again.
Thank God.

Well I don't know what to say about this one.

Your Mommy Is Hillary Clinton

What You Call Her: Old Lady What people say about yo momma: Yo Momma so smelly the government make her wear a Biohazard warning

Who's Your Mommy?

Intro to computers has one of those guys too...

He is always trying to impart knowledge about stupid websites that no one cares about. When we are asked for an example of a website to go to, he spouts out with some ridiculous non-sense that is more than likely found in those stupid forwarded emails that I ABSOLUTELY HATE! One of the first emails I ever sent to my boyfriend, and this was before he was my boyfriend mind you, was an email asking him to please stop forwarding me bullcrap.

There is also a woman is is completely annoying because you have to tell her literally every single thing to do step by step. Our professor was trying to tell us how to find an IP address for a website and you are supposed to type tracert w/ a space and then the website. This fool typed the actual word 'space' and then the website!

So for extra credit we were supposed to go to blogger and create a blog. Guess what? I got a blog sucka's! So I emailed this link to my prof. He is probably reading this now and laughing his butt off. Everyone say hello to Professor Brown.

If I stabbed him in his pointy head I think I would receive a round of applause!

There is a guy in my morning class that is so unbelieveably annoying that I can't bear to hear his voice! He is one of those guys that thinks he knows everything and has to comment on any and every subject, not with a question like the rest of the class but with some form of contridictory statement to what the teacher is saying. UGGGH! This morning I wanted to seriously stab him with my ballpoint pen.

He is obviously insecure and self-concious about the fact that he is completely annoying as a person not to mention extrememly unattractive. I feel sorry for the boy but he seriously, and I mean SERIOUSLY gets on my nerves. What do you about someone that constantly disrupts class with his ridiculous interjections? I know that I should learn to deal with people of all personalities but this is just ridiculous.

He is one of those guys that thinks he is a computer wiz but really isn't. So he is constantly trying to tell us something that makes no sense. He also thinks he is an expert on the law already and won't shut up about. I really don't understand why he is even in this program except maybe he didn't get into law school. He has a four year degree from another college but I'm not sure what its in.

And while I'm on the subject of things that annoy me...

There is someone else that sits very close to me in class that smells of stale cigarettes. I don't know if its the girl on my left side of the boy on my right but one of them is cloggin my sinuses. The weird thing is they don't smell like a freshly smoked cigarette but the kinda of smell someone's clothes have after they have constantly smoked in their house and car. That old cigarette smell. It makes me gag. But I can't move because we are supposed to sit in the same seats and there really isn't anywhere near me that I could move to without the teacher asking why I moved so far back. Its just gross.

But other than that I love the class.

I wrote a blog on Firefly's blog and I want to obsolve her of her duty to keep it posted.

...that is unless you just want to cause I'm a rockin' writer and stuff.

So I was responding to her post about people always saying that their grandmother is full blooded Cherokee and how annoying that is. I agree with that annoyance because I grew up in NC where everyone that tans well says they are at least 1/5 Native American. And I mean everybody. There is actually a weird town in the Eastern part of the state where everyone has blonde hair and blue eyes but they all have the Native American characteristics and swear they are all Lumbee. THE WHOLE TOWN! I wish I could remember the name but at the moment I can't seem to remember my name.

So this is what I posted on her blog:

I think it might be peoples guilty concious. Its so deeply ingrained in us to fix the wrongs of our past that we exaggerate so as not to feel left out of our own ignorance. (wow, forgive me for that sentance that probably is more profound than I have the capacity for at the moment. I shall take credit at a date to be determined...) But I just wanted to tell you that my grandmother definitely is from Native Amer. desent but she never told my mom until my grandma's sisters told my mom. Apparently my Great Grandma was from straight off the reservation, her father took the children and ran away when she was very young. My grandmother was ashamed of this heritage because she saw them as stupid, illiterate hill billys and left home at the age of 16 and never looked back. she wrote 'white' on applications and established herself in the court system as a court clerk. I was 12 before I knew any of this. My mom has tried to discover the tribe of which we are associated with no success. Those stories didn't get passed due to shame and illiteracy. But about a year ago my mom was diagnosed with a rare back disease that has only ever been found in a small tribe of native americans found in the mountains of Virginia. So I guess that is her best lead so far. Apparently my Great Grandma would leave these prayer bags under my pillow when I was younger and my grandma or mom always found them and through them out. My great g-ma said I had the gift and that it needed to be nurtured. I never got a chance to find out exactly what that gift was because she died when I was 4. She was 94. maybe my gift is long life?

What I didn't write was that I've got a pretty darn good idea as to what gift my great g-ma spoke of. I shall not reveal it here because its too intense for my lackadasical brain at the moment and probably too intense for most readers alert brains. One day I shall reveal my super power to you and you will all bow in my vast ridiculousness. That is after pointing laughing for about 10 minutes...