Smash it.

I've managed destroy the closest thing to perfect that I'll ever find. I don't understand why I let things get the best of me. Why I can't just enjoy things and roll with it. I'm guessing that I have some kind of unconscious need to sabotage myself.

I've always stood by the thought of "Don't ask questions you really don't want to know the answer to." Well I decided to go digging in what is otherwise a perfect situation and found a great big ol' pile of bull crap. So now what do I do. I am not the kind of person to let these things go. I can't just accept his explanation and move on. I have have to over analyze the thing to death and constantly re-hash it in my head. Every he doesn't respond to my texts or doesn't answer the phone I'm going to think he has someone else over there. No matter how hard I try I know me. I'm going to work myself into an obsessive tizzy and then I'll just blow the whole thing up.

I know it's easy for you to say..."well Jade, just calm down and take things slow." Hey, guess what? That ain't me! If you didn't know that already welcome to the show and thanks for playing. I've got some serious obsessive issues that no amount of therapy and/or medication has ever cured.

And then we have Daniel. I don't know why I can't let this boy go. He is absolutely NOTHING that I want in life. NOTHING. I miss him sometimes so much that it hurts and then I call him. And then we fight because he doesnt' get me and I dont' get him and I spend the whole next day trying to get him to speak to me again! I'll be glad when December 8th finally rolls around so we can go to this football game and get this darn thing over with! Cut it off, let it hurt, move on!

Now we come to Shane. Shane is a ghost from my past that rears his ugly head every so often. He shows up, screws with my head and then runs off to parts unknown for a few years. Shane is as close to a 'soul mate' that I think I have ever found. Which is what makes it sooo hard to just not respond to the texts. Shane also lives with his girlfriend of 2 years..forgot to mention that too huh? Well he keeps saying he wants out of the relationship but he has to know that I want him first. I don't want him. I don't want him screwing with me anymore. But then I hear his voice and I crumble. Why do I let these people do this to me and why do they do it? Why is it that people feel the need to mess with others sanity?

Pushing Daisies aka: The Greatest Show to grace my DVR in like forever!

I don't watch much on ABC. Dancing with the Stars and Desperate Housewives has tainted their image in my mind. Therefore when they do have a gem of show I miss out on it. Somehow I have started receiving TV guide. I didn't subscribe it just started coming, in my name to my apartment. (It's no longer a small cute, fat Reader's Digest-esque book anymore either ps.) I didn't even realize it was the actual TV guide until I started reading them. They have great crosswords in the back btw.

So anyway, there was a fall preview in the first one I received so I got to find out what shows I wanted to record this season. I read about this kitschy little show called Pushing Daisies on ABC and it seemed like something I would like so I added it to my DVR list. I have all the episodes since the beginning of the season recorded and had yet to watch them, so yesterday I decided it was time. Now I'm kicking myself for not watching them sooner! Especially since Deidre (of Rock 92 morning show fame) mentioned that it is getting the boot after this season! I haven't been this upset since I found out they cancelled "My So Called Life"!

Pushing Daisies is brought to us from the writer of "Dead Like Me" another WONDERFUL show that was canceled way before it's time. Last season was the first season and according to Wikipedia this season ends with a HUGE cliffhanger involving a main character. Shows can't just end like this! It was even were nominated for 10 Emmy's and won 3 at this past Emmy awards! So why the heck are they cancelling this show?

Another reason I love Pushing Daisies is Kristin Chenowith plays Olive Snook on the show and btw was nominated for an Emmy for best supporting actress in a comedy series. For those of you who don't know, Chenowith is a stage actress most notably known for her work as Glinda the Good Witch in the Broadway production of "Wicked". She is an amazingly animated actress that makes the character she plays come to life!

I can't possibly do the description of this show justice so I will include an introduction by ABC.

The Glamorous life of Bartending...

(I wrote this several years ago but I love it so much I reposted.)

Back when I was single I noticed that when a guy found out that I was a bartender his attraction to me increased by about 30%. I usually left the bar with at least 2 numbers from random dudes sticking them in the tip jar or writing their number on the credit card receipt. This has always puzzled me and the only conclusion I can come to is that he thought he would get free drinks. Or the guys at the bar must have failed miserably with all the other chicks who aren't wearing a tuxedo shirt and black dockers and thought "well, she was sure nice to me all night. Maybe she likes me."

All the little servers wanna be bartenders, too. Thats all I hear from the kids at the restaurant. "How did you become a bartender? Did you have to go to school for it? Will you teach me?" Look kids, its really not all its cracked up to be. When a server takes a drink order at the table, let's say for a Margarita, a Sex on the Beach, a Pina Colada and a Guiness Draught, all they do is walk to the computer, type in the order and go run food...flirt with the cooks...clean some tables...text message their boyfriends...smoke in the bathroom, whatever. But that order then goes to the bartenders to make. Those are four COMPLETELY different drinks that are ALL step intensive. You are lookin' at a good two minutes of turn around.

Now say you are the bartender and you take that same drink order from a group that just sat at the bar. They are sitting right in front of you so they are watching you make it and telling you that their mom's second cousin is a bartender and he makes margarita's with a splash of orange juice and they really wished I woulda made it like that, meanwhile showing you pictures of their brother-in-laws dog who just had surgery on his anus. At that same time that you are smiling and acting like you care, you also have to make the servers drinks that rang in some ridiculous shot that no one has ever heard of but some douchebag at their table heard once at a bar in jersey and is trying to impress his date. Then a wide eyed food runner comes walking out of the kitchen and just stands in front of you with arms loaded down with food mouthing the words "where's seat 10" with a mixed look of fear and too much eyeliner. While all this is going on some butt-munch walks in and wants a $2.50 beer and hands you a $100 and you know you don't have the change but the manager is at the host stand attempting to be witty with the 16 year olds he's hired to boost his ego. About this time a server brings you a chocolate martini that you made half an hour ago and says the customer wanted an apple martini instead however they didn't realize what they had until they drank half of it. Then your regular at the end of bar yells for another round of whiskey and pabst blue ribbon for his buddies and while yer at it let him get a look at those 'big ol titties'. By this time a hostess has come to inform you that there is a To Go order waiting on line one and you look up to see your ex boyfriend walk in with a 5'10" blue eyed blonde with brand new boobs and Gucci bag.

Still want my job?

The Four Agreements

I've been in a weird place lately. A place I don't like to visit much less live, but somehow I always end up here. My life tends to cycle in and out of this place. I go through extreme highs where I feel like nothing can go wrong and all lifes problems are easily solved. Then, someone can say something as simple as "Your hair looked better long", and all of the sudden I'm second guessing every decision I've ever made.

I'm probably the most indecisive person you will ever meet. I'm pretty sure that comes from my inate ability to make sure all my bases are covered. I refuse to make any decision unless I think about it from every single angle. I think through the possible outcomes from any action I may or may not take. I worry about others feelings far and above my own. I have infinite empathy and very little self value, therefore I will always sacrifice myself for the good of others. Not many people relize this about me. Most of my sacrificing is done silently as to not alert the beneficiary. I don't give of myself out of glory; I do it for the harmony of life. If I take one for the team, the team prospers not the individual.

I value friendship above all else. It is very hard for me to let people into my sacred circle that I call 'best friends'. All of my friends are 'best' or they wouldn't be my friend at all. But there are a few people who I consider close enough to give my life for. My 'online friend' Amanda summed this up as "Core Friendships" in her latest blog. Here is an excerpt from that particular blog:

"There are only a few people in my life who really understand the meaning of friendship. People who truly care about you and your existence. People who know you, go beyond stupid formalities, and don't force feed you bullshit on a daily basis. People who actually care that you had a bad day, or know the names of your family members. People who aren't wrapped up in money, or perceived importance. People who relish personal history, and don't think about what they can get from you. People who are honest, tell you the truth, and are thankful for you. They remember your birthday, and have private jokes. These people are what you call your CORE- and they are sometimes all you have. Cherish them, love them, and tell them you care- because real friends are hard to come by- and are a diamond in the rough."

I simply could not have said that better myself so I had to quote her. I value friendship from those that are willing to give it. Please don't use my needs against me. If I let you into my heart and mind, don't abuse that priviledge. You are only hurting yourself in the long run and it's the long run that counts.

I've learned to try and take things one day at a time. The less I obsess, the more I enjoy my day to day grind. I don't care for people that rush my process and I certainly do my best work at my own pace. Yes, it makes for a late start at times and can sometimes be misconstrued as lazy. I'm not lazy, I'm deep. "I'm living in the left hand lane of my city, slow down and let me walk this highway with you." ~The Waifs

Patience goes hand in hand with this new lease on life. I've always had a hard time with that. I want what I want when I want it and have a tendency to dive head first into a situation with no regard for anyone elses feelings much less my own. That has stopped abruptly as of late. Not because I made a conscious decision to do so, but I was forced to. Axl Rose may be an idiot but he can write the heck out of some lyrics.

"I've been walkin' the streets to night
just trying to get it right
it's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd
And the streets don't change, but maybe the names
I ain't got time for this game
'Cause I need you" ~GnR

I'm not by any means saying I'm perfect. I am flawed extensively and have the scars to prove it. I tend to give better advice than I accept. I try to practice what I preach but I can't always let go of my pride. I am powerless to control others actions and feelings towards me. I know this, but I can't seem to accept it as truth. I preach my gospel and don't understand why others don't flock to me. Duh. I don't walk my own talk.

I will leave you with The Four Agreements by Don Miquel Ruiz

To Quote Henry Rollins....

So lately I've been getting a lot of flak for my lifestyle from people who don't even know me. But then again, can you ever really 'know' someone. I barely know myself most of the time. But that is another blog for another day...

Lets start with the basics. Everybody Lies. Not only is that a fabulous "House M.D." reference, it's a motto for life. If you just go ahead and accept that the majority of the people you meet in your life will feed you a certain amount of bullcrap with a side order of truth, then you will live a much less stressful existence. My friend Ian said it best in a blog of his at the end of March entitled "The Libido's Red Flags":

"MySpace and other social networking have their own particular red flags. If someone goes on at length about how much she HATES LIARS, I'm turned off, not because I consider myself a liar (except in the professional sense) or think that prevarication should be embraced as a way of life, but because it seems stupid and unimaginative to waste time posting such a cliché and useless prohibition. Do those women really think that the liars of the world are going to say "oh, she hates my type, I better not email her or send her a friend request!" And the women who feel the need to talk about how much they hate drama, especially in ALL CAPS, are all too often prone to drama themselves, and are blaming the self-created emotional turbulence of their romantic lives on other people."

This seriously struck home for me. No, I do not always tell the truth. No, I am not always forth coming with every detail of my life for the whole world to know. It's basically no one's business but my own. I also tend to think that sometimes people ask questions that they really don't want to know the answer to. A few years ago I asked several questions and quickly realized I did not want to know the answers that I faced. I learned right then and there, ignorance is bliss and I will never ask a question that I really don't want to know the answer to. My life has been a lot less painful and a lot more productive once I learned to stop asking questions and just go with the flow. Some things are just better left unsaid and if someone lies to you because you didn't have the good sense to protect your own heart, count it a blessing.

Especially in this cyber world we call MySpace! This place that we hang out in is not reality. From time to time I've fallen victim to the hype myself, but if you take the time to step back and look at things rationally you realize that it is all just silly. People get so worked up about the most ridiculous things. Just because someone leaves a comment on your friends page, it doesn't mean they are madly in love and are going to run off to Mexico and have babies! I personally like to leave comments that are inside jokes between me and the person I'm commenting on. They are 'inside' jokes because they are between us and us alone. If some psychotic lunatic reads it an suddenly starts crying over spilt milk, it really isn't my concern.

On to the next subject, playing the victim. I personally am way to strong and have way too much self worth to fall for the 'victim' mentality. I try to always take responsibility for my own actions and not blame my misfortune on others. You have to accept that you are powerless over the way others treat you or react to you. We slip easily into victim mentality when we we try to get exactly what we want in less than ideal circumstances and when we can't, we allow ourselves to be trapped in no-win choices. Often, we aren't even willing to consider any choice other than the ideal choice. When we are in victim mentality, we don't see the range of choices we have and we wallow in resentment. We feel helpless. In order to eliminate our victim mentality, you must accept the reality of the situation instead of trying to achieve the ideal. Find the best choice available within the reality of the circumstances and then accept that choice instead of resenting it.

When you play the victim you are making someone else the abuser and often that person does not deserve your hostility. When we don't get what we want, we tend to blame others rather than looking in the mirror at our own faults. And sometimes, no one is at fault. Sometimes, just because you want something to be true doesn't mean it is. Not everyone is what they say they are and not everyone wants what you think they should want. If someone doesn't want you, you can't bully them or guilt them into it.

Life is fluid. Learn to ride the waves.

The New Face of Rocks

I have re-vamped my blog for your reading pleasure. I have new interests, new about me's and a new name.

So I'll introduce myself for the new readers.

Hi, I'm Jade aka: Jade Rocks...get it?


I'm a bartender and a perpetual student. I'm not ready to grow up and I'm not ready to give up. I eat what I want and say what I mean. Some of my posts might offend you. If they do, then argue with me. I love banter, especially of the intelligent kind. I love to write but I'm not super great with my grammar so don't bust my chops. I will always use contractions correctly and spell to the best of my spell check ability.

And yes, Jade is my real name. And no, I won't tell you where I work. It's hard enough out there without having stalkers!

So stay tuned and I'll surely entertain you....

"Come on Home Girl" he said with a smile...

If you've never experienced this, you haven't lived. Everytime I watch this scene I get a flutter in the pit of my stomach and my knees go weak. That feeling of standing there, right frickin' there when the drums start....the bass line drops...and he the lights come up.... wow. Then having your 'musician' give you sly little looks off the side of the stage....priceless. Absolutely priceless.




I'm sure it doesn't compare to the rush of actually being out there. I'm sure it's all pretty lame to an actual musician, but to the little country girl from Gibsonville, it's the world.




By musician, I don't mean the guys that sit around and play guitar with their buddies when they are drunk. I mean the 'working' musicians. The guy on the stage. The guy that flirts with the song he wrote years ago for some other girl. The guy that undressed you with his eyes while banging out his heart and soul on the keyboard. The guy that is pouring is every breath into making you feel his passion. The guy that knows what it feels like to be "Almost Famous".




Of course, I saw Almost Famous way after I had made my rounds with the band dudes. I'm pretty sure I was done with them by this time as well. But this scene, totally reminded me of the life. Of the rush. Of the passion. Of the intensity. Of the mistaken lust for love.




All women are attracted to musicians, but not all women can pull the musicians. It takes a certain kind of girl to get their attention. To really get their attention. They can tell the groupies from the 'band aids' so to speak. They know when she is really there for the music, at least in the beginning.




It's the passion. We are attracted to passion and the swagger. Guys on stage have this unmistakable confidence that just makes them hot even if they are 5'4" and four sheets to the wind. It's an insane thing that comes over us when we hear him sing our favorite song or watch him work the room. You know, you simply know that he has to have something or know something that no one else does. You must make him yours.




Then, you do. And you spend the rest of your relationship worried that any and every other girl in the room from now on wants your man the way you did. And you correct. And there will always be some girl that is prettier, sluttier, funnier, smarter, and cooler than you gunning for him. She will pull every trick in the book and she will succeed....just like you did.




And it's not his fault. He is simply living his dream. He is simply riding the waves. He likes you just fine. There is nothing wrong with you, but he lives in a world where relationships and monogamy don't seem to mix. Where sobriety is a myth and your every wish can be granted at the snap of a finger or ink on a rider. He is the rock star; you will always come in second place. Always.




You can try and Yoko the situation. You can try and tame him. You can try and keep him at bay. But eventually, you will be mother rather than a lover to him and he will resent you with every word out of your mouth.




And so it ends.




And you find yourself at another show, with another wink from another drummer or lead singer...and you fall one more time.




Eventually, we grow up. Eventually we figure out that we can't be the one. We will never be the one. And there was always some other girl that broke his heart and made them want to be free.




So you stop going to shows. You stop working in bars. You stop dressing in leather and spandex. You meet a respectable man with a 'grown up' job and you settle into a normal life. Then something happens to remind you of the good ol' days. Something unmistakeable. Maybe its a song. Maybe its a movie. Maybe its an actual musician. But something reminds you of that feeling and you lose your frickin' mind all over again....

"It's all happening..."

Very cool quiz

87% Barack Obama
86% John Edwards
85% Hillary Clinton
82% Chris Dodd
80% Mike Gravel
77% Dennis Kucinich
77% Joe Biden
73% Bill Richardson
49% Rudy Giuliani
41% John McCain
33% Mike Huckabee
32% Mitt Romney
24% Tom Tancredo
18% Ron Paul
18% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

Online delimmas.

Three online dilemma’s...What is the etiquette here?
I have three things presently bothering me online. I am presenting them to you guys to see if you have a solution for me.

1. There is a girl who lately has been making strides to be my friend. I know this girl through my boyfriend and I just don't know if she is genuine. He tells me that she used to call him weekly and once held a considerable crush on him. She also is on again off again bff's with his ex-fiance. It seems as though every time they are off again she pops up and wants to hang out. Do I trust this? My bf has told me that she has told him to leave me before because I was no good for him and only upset him. But of course we all know Eric isn't known for his trust worthy-ness. This particular girl has always been very nice to me in person and seems to be genuine but you never know if you should trust a woman or not. I don't want to get all buddy buddy with someone and let them into my life only to have them sell trade secrets to the enemy or use me to get to my boyfriend. (truth be told I might not mind the latter.) She has asked me to work out with her, like at the walking park and have lunch with her. Should I?

2. My second dilemma really is just more of a gripe. There is a girl who is on my page that constantly puts down or belittles anything that I like. But she continually makes attempts and hanging out with me or friendship. I don't understand why this girl would want to be my friend if she finds everything about me to suck. I don't know why I haven't deleted her. I think I just enjoy the abuse.

3. My third situation is something of a touchy nature. I have a tendency to get bored and want to mess with people and this is a bit tempting but I know it might hurt some people as well. Awhile ago this random guy sent me a message asking to be friends. I looked at his page and he seemed relatively harmless. He has a girlfriend and seems to like the same things I do. Other than being overly athletic and adventurous, I think we could be friends. I've always had guy friends so it's not really a big deal. He lives in W-S too so I thought we could be friends. We exchanged a few emails and after I gave him my standard speech about not knowing anything about W-S and looking for places to hang out, he stopped responding. I figured I probably scared the dude with my overwhelming neediness and he just decided to stay away from me. No biggy, I'm used to it.

So yesterday I got a message from him asking if I was looking for "some fun on the side". What the? So I sent him something back asking him which side because I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to be hilarious. But then I starting looking at his page and his gf's page and saw a blog she had posted. It talked about how he had just had a 'heart procedure' and that she didn't realize how much she could care about someone and how in love with him she is. She said, and I quote "Until now, I didn't know that it was possible to care this much about someone. If anything were to ever happen to him, I would be completely helpless and lost. I am completely, hopelessly devoted, and in love with this man. I can't imagine my life without him and I don't know where I would go, what I would do, or who I would turn to". So do I tell her about what he said only one day after her having posted this? I would want to know if the man I'm 'hopelessly devoted' to were looking for some 'fun on the side'. Plus homeboy has no idea that I'm not really as attractive as my myspace would suggest. But that is beside the point. I know by forwarding this message to the girl it would only cause problems for them and he would spin something to make it seem like I had doctored things, but this girl is only being set up for disaster down the road. This dude obviously has no intention of being faithful to this girl and I think she should know before she seriously gets hurt. What do ya'll think?

The Pursuit of a 'Good Man'

She thought she had a 'Good Man' until she moved in with him and his age and inexperience exposed him. She still tried to salvage the 'Good' but the damage was done. Irresponsibility, does not a 'Good Man' make.

And she thought she had a 'Good Man' until his lying and cheating were leaked by the accomplice. Every time she looks at him she sees 'Doubt' printed on his forehead, but continues to remember the 'Good' times. The 'Good Man' is now rebuilding his credibility...does that make him 'Damaged Man' now?

I often hear women say they just wish they could find a 'Good Man'. Maybe they need to work on their idea of 'Good'. Does this ideal of a 'Good Man' exist? If he does, is he stuck in a loveless relationship because in being 'Good' he doesn't abandon his responsibilities? Does the 'Good' in him get confused for friendship, therefore never creating a romantic spark?

I have never had a 'Good Man'. I have met a few, but they all expose their flaws eventually. Perfection isn't essential in the pursuit of 'Good', but integrity, responsibility and honesty are. Whenever I find my personal ideal of the 'Good', he doesn't want me. So in essence, he can't be a 'Good Man', can he? I mean who wouldn't want me? Not me per se, but the collective me; Women. A 'Good Man' would want me for me and love me for me. I would be enough for a 'Good Man'. He would satify me emotionally and physically. He would compliment my idiosyncrasies, and understand my eccentricities. He would be witty and smart. He would be loving and empathetic. I would be completly smitten by him and never want for another. He would be my 'Good Man' and I would cherish him with all the love in my heart.

The one (or ten) that got away...

I'm in a wonderful relationship. I'm very happy and could never think of ruining it or leaving. But every once in a great while I think of the relationships that never were, for one reason or another.

I often day dream about what might have happened if... But you know if, "if" had happened, I might not be the person I am today and that person is who I want to be. Occasionally I stumble upon someone or something that reminds me of one of these key people and I get overwhelmed with nostalgia. The absolute worst is when they actually contact me and completely fall into a daydream with them. We reminesce and talk about the good old days, and by the end of the conversation I've fallen for them all over again.

Either I wasn't ready or they weren't ready; or they had major baggage that needed to be unpacked and by the time they off loaded I'd moved on. There are a few people in my life that really touched me. They messed my head and heart up so much that they will permanently remain in both. But for some reason or another we just could get our lives in a parallel tract.

Do you think that happened on purpose?
Do you think we were never meant to be?
Do you think I wanted it more than you did?
Do you think about me as often I as I do you?

Day 2: I sure wish I could take out my contacts and clean them.

So It's been two days since I got the surgery and I must say it really feels like I have a pair of dry contacts in. My vision is the same as that also. I basically have hazy tunnel vision that I can see out of and blurry peripheral. I have the halos at night but they aren't any worse than glare from my glasses. I called the doctor to find out if this was normal and was assured that it was. They told me that the haziness is from the drops and will clear up in about a week. I'm supposed to make an appointment to come in one day next week for a follow up visit. I can't get there until Tuesday.

I have been putting my drops in every four hours like I'm supposed to and they give me a really awful metallic taste in my mouth that nothing gets rid of. The plus side of that is I'm not really eating all that much because it tastes like crap.

I just don't understand why of all the people I've met that have had this procedure none of them have told me about any of this stuff. I even know people who went to the same place as me. Did this procedure just not work for me or am I being a big baby? I guess I'm just to the point of wait and see. But for all the aggrivation I find myself just wishing that I was fighting with my contacts. At least then I could take them out when they bothered me. Hopefully I will get some more insight into all of these annoyances at my doctor visit.

Post-Op Chunky Eyeballs

Well today was the day of the lasik surgery. Just six hours ago I was majorly nearsighted and now I never have to wear glasses or contacts again. So many people asked me to let them know how it was because they really want to get it. Well I'm not the kinda girl to water things down so I'm gonna give it to you straight. Here we go.

Now you know I had the bad customer service experience with these people when I first went for my consultation. Since then I've talked to them on the phone three times and every time they have been pleasant and attentive. I called them when ever I had a question and they calmed my nerves. So that is a plus in their column. So today my boyfriend drove me there in his usual grumpy and uncaring manner. He wants me to tell him what to do at every turn because he doesnt' know how to be a caring and considerate boyfriend that is just there for me rather than the douchebag that only thinks of himself. But that is another story or another day...

So we get there and my Mom and Travis (my brother) are right behind us pulling in but seem to not see the huge building proclaiming itself as Selkin Eye Center and drive right past it. They also don't see me standing in the parking lot waving my hands like and idiot. So I have to chase them out to the road and get their attention so that my brother doesn't drive into the great mess that is Elam Ave again.

After all that stress, we go in and they have me fill out paperwork and escort me into the same room that I sat in for my consultation. I sat there for a very long time and then finally the girl that rushed me through before came in and asked me which form of Lasik I wanted. Apparently they offer two kinds plus something called PRK. PRK uses drops to desolve the flap of skin over the eye and Lasik is where they cut the flap. PRK takes four days of downtime and Lasik only takes a day. I choose the Lasik and then I get a choice of the basic package which is $699 per eye and the custom package which is $1699 per eye. Well my mom is paying of this so the lady goes and gets her. She talks my mom into the deluxe in like 32 seconds. The crazy thing is my Mom knows people that went to the same place they specifically told her that they will try and talk you into the more expensive package but you don't need it. But apparently what they didn't know was that my eyesight is so bad I need the deluxe version. They said that there is always a possibility of touch up needed after the procedure and with the basic package it is way more likely considering my prescription. A touch up with the basic package is $699 per eye again and with the deluxe is $150 per eye. Plus I get free visits to the office for a year so that can monitor my progress and check my vision frequently. Plus the chances of having halos and glare with nighttime driving is very low.

So once all that is out of the way they give me this blue surgical bonnet to put on and put me in a waiting room with other people wearing the same get up. There is a family of three people ahead of me, a guy and two women. The guy is about my age and pretty ghetto and the two women appear to be his mom and aunt. One of them was in having the surgery done and the other two were waiting. They told me that the one that was in there gets so freaked out about things she passes out. When she came out of the door she was like, "that was nothing", so it started to calm my fears. Also, they had given me the ok to take a Klonopin so I about 2 minutes way from being completely zoned out.

I had to get up to get checked out by the doctor before the surgery so they can get my prescription and all so I got called back to do that. When I get back the guy is coming out of surgery and the nurse is ordering him to sit down. Apparently mr. tough guy got dizzy during surgery and almost had a panic attack. Great. That's what I needed to see. So they call me into the room and I actually meet Dr. Selkin. He looks just like his pictures, which are everywhere. They lay me down on the reclining chair and talk to me in soothing voices. They tell me every step that they are doing and the first one is to put drops in my eyes that numb them. They burn like the dickens and I can't seem to open my eyes. I tell them this and they say "don't worry we will get them open"! And boy do they!

The nurse then taped one eye shut and pried open the other one with these torture device looking clamps which she then inserted into my eyesocket. That was uncomfortable. Then they tell me to stare at the green and red light directly above me. I'm freaking out at this point because I know they are about to cut me. The nurse has to hold open my eye in addition to the torture device and I hear the doctor say "suction" which send me into even farther panic mode because all I can think about is my eyeball being sucked out of it's socket. The nurse says, "you're gonna feel some pressure and everything will go black". She was right. It was very odd and extremely uncomfortable. I realized I wasn't breathing and tried to make myself take long, even breaths. All of the sudden the red and green light was present again and I the surgery begins. I can't really explain it but it was almost like someone was poking around inside a balloon. It feels like that looks. After all that poking, the Dr. does what can only be described at rubbing my eyeball with his finger. I really couldn't see but when I told him I majorly wanted to rub my eyes he said, "don't worry I'm doing it for you". Then they do the other eye and it actually hurts. It's a stinging feeling and the whole thing is majorly uncomfortable. I am clenched up and not breathing again. He tells me that most people frind the left eye to be more uncomfortable than the right. I am just wishing its over faster.

So when he is finally done, which is only about 3 minutes per eye but what seems like 20 minutes, they tell me sit up and put these goggle on me. I am wearing them now and I must say they aren't the most flattering thing in the world. I look like I should be playing raquetball player and they aren't the most comfortable thing in the world. I have to wear them for the rest of the day and all night. Then I have to sleep in them for the next week. This is to keep me from rubbing or scratching my eyes while they heal.

As soon as I got in the car on the drive home I couldn't keep my eyes open. The light was just too much. I kept them closed til I got home and in bed. I knew I was going to fall asleep so I had to put these thick drops in my eyes that they gave me to use before going to sleep. They stung too. I went to sleep for about 2 hours and woke up with the stickiest eyes ever! I wanted nothing more than to wipe them with a wet wash cloth but I can't take a shower or wet my eyes or face until tomorrow. I'm not allowed to wipe away any excess tears or goo. This sucks.

But the plus side to all this is I can see. Yes folks, it works. I couldn't imagine waking up and seeing. I still can't because my eyes were stuck together plus by wearing these goggles its like I have my glasses on. Things are still a bit hazy but I think that has something to do with the goggles being foggy. Things still aren't clear as a bell but hopefully tomorrow morning they will be. For all the aggrivations, I must say that the surgery is worth it. But don't let anyone tell you it was 'nothing' because it wasn't.

I wanna make you up! (as sung to the tune of the Color Me Badd one hit)

As some of you know I *used* to do makeup for a living. I enjoyed making people feel good about themselves and helping them get out of their ridiculous eyeshadow addictions and horrible blush overdo's. I hated having to sell the makeup to them in that sleezy used car way though. That's why I loved wedding and prom makeovers because there was no pressure to make money. All I had to do was my art.

Well now I'm back to bartending and I miss making chicks feel good about themselves. And there is only so much I can do to myself considering I hate taking off makeup. I guess it's like cooking; I love to cook but I can't stand cleaning up after. Anyway, back to the subject at hand...

I just bought some new Bed Head pallettes and I sooooo want to try them out. So someone please call me so I can fix your face! Anybody?! I'll even do men, I was known for that at the snatcheral (my last place of employment).

The Tillers.

Well Matilda has certainly grown up! She is now about 55lbs of pure muscle! And wide slap open!


She has eaten the couch I've had since I got my first apartment. It is now a wooden frame with cushions and sheets covering it. She has also eaten 3 remote controls and 2 pairs of glasses. Luckily I'm getting Lasic soon so she won't have anymore of those to chew on!

She also ate a feather bed we had in her crate. Here is the explosion of feathers that incurred!






Matilda has developed an intense love for the water hose and won't let any of us touch it. That hose is now her favorite toy, especially when a sprinker is hooked to the end of it! I bought her a slip n slide too but she ate it. Here are some pictures and I'll see if I can get some video up of her water fun!

Lasic Surgery is actual surgery right?

I went to my consultation for Lasic Surgery today. I felt like I got herded through and rushed out the door. They didn't tell me anything but the date to show up and don't wear makeup! Are you kidding me? I'm not buying a sweater, I'm having a life changing operation! I know that they are used to this crap because its common place to them. But I've not been through and I don't know anything about it. I need hand holding and reassuring. They say they hold your hand through the experience in the brochure. They didn't so much as glance in my direction much less hold my hand.

I called the 1-800 number they gave me and complained. Yes, I'm that girl. They called me back within a few minutes and told me 100 times more than what they told me in the office. Literally I was there 15 minutes and half of that was in the waiting room! They told me I would have to wear goggles to sleep in for 10 nights and that I would most likely want to go to sleep after the procedure. It would have been nice to know that in my consultation. She also told me that my vision was correctable to 20/20. Something else that would have been nice to know.

I always rant and rave about poor customer service in the american public and this was it at its finest. It felt like I was having a script read to me, not a nurse explaining a surgery. I just think they need to realize that some people need more than a standard pitch. I'm gonna do the surgery, I just wish they were slightly more caring.

Get out of my head and into my pocket...

The bottomless pit of the service industry.
Category: Food and Restaurants


I tend to have a rather low opinion of myself. I don't know if that has something to do with things that happened in my childhood or things that have continually happened throughout my life. But I can say with absolute certainty that the one thing in my life that I am good at is the service industry. Put me in any restaurant anywhere in the US and I can do it with little to no training.

It's almost automatic. I revert to my restaurant skills even at home or when I'm out to dinner. I'm constantly scanning the place for things being done wrong or things that should be attended to. Why? Why do I care if the slackers at Ruby Tuesday aren't paying attention to the guy across the aisle from me who has been out of tea for at least 15 minutes? Why do I care that there are 8 dirty tables and 12 servers standing up at the host stand goofing off?

I shouldn't care, it isn't affecting my tip or my restaurants reputation. But something has gotten inside of me and made me uncomfortable to be around mediocrity in the restaurant business. Frankly I'm sick of it. I just want to get out of this industry all together and have a normal job. A job where I get lunch breaks and health insurance. A job where I don't make $2.43 and hour and have to depend on tightwads to figure up how many of their pennies they are going to part with at the end of their meal. I want a job where I can take days off because I have a fever and still get paid for it. I want normal hours where I can actually be home when my boyfriend goes to bed and get up in the morning and make breakfast. I want a normal life.



And as a side note for those of you who aren't in the know...

Minimum wage for tipped employees was $2.13 and hour for as long as I can remember. Then, as luck would have a little less than a year ago the mimimum wage went up to $3.10 an hour. Oh what a glorius few months of paychecks that are almost large enough for a tank of gas. However, last week minimum wage for tipped employees went down again to $2.43. So all of you waitstaff and bartenders that got used to an actual paycheck, get ready for it to be cut again. Sorry guys, I guess tipped employees are again, two thirds of a person.

The do's and don'ts of patronizing your local bar.

Although I didn't write this originally, I've been meaning to to write some more about this very subject. Please read it and learn, you non-restaurant people. We are giving you the keys to the kingdom here! ~Jade

Someone once pointed out to me the fact that there seems to be a micro-economy in the service industry. Restaurant workers take their tip money out to bars and clubs at night and give it to the bartenders, who promptly return it to the waiters and waitresses the next day at lunch. The cycle is almost self-sufficient and is mutually beneficial. Knowing the pain of waiting on customers, each group tips the other well and never raises a fuss. These people do not need to be educated. The rest of you do.

Many of us have stood in a noisy, crowded bar and asked, "What's a guy got to do to get a drink around here?" Well, you're about to find out. Here are some Do's and Don'ts that will keep the relationship between the bartender and bar patron running smoothly.

DON'T...

1.Fail to have your money ready

We're waiting on you. Everyone else is waiting on us. Therefore, by the Transitive Property of Equality, everyone is waiting on you. Rule 1: Have your shit together. Not only will following Rule 1 get you served quicker in a bar, it's a good general rule to adopt in life and is especially helpful in Central American border crossing scenarios.

2.Whistle

This is an absolute No-No. You whistle at dogs, not people.

3.Wave money

Oh, you've got a dollar!! I'll be right over!! Hopefully I won't break an ankle in my fevered rush to get you your "curz lite." Well, at least you're not breaking the next rule.

4.Yell out the bartender's first name

There's something deeply psychologically disturbing about hearing your name called out, turning around and seeing a complete stranger. That's one of the reasons strippers use stage names. Bartender's do too. Mine is MANTHUNDER.

5.Say "make it strong!" or "put a lot of liquor in it"

Oh, you're one of the rare drinkers that like their drink strong! When you say this, you're assuming I make weak drinks (which is insulting) and you're assuming that I'll stiffen this one up for my new best buddy, you. This is the best way to get a weak drink.

6.Give the ever-expanding drink order

You want a Bud. I go get it. I come back and now you want a Margarita. Okay, no prob. I come back, and (oh yeah!) now you want a shot of Tequila, too. You really could have told us this all at once. See Rule 1.

7.Pull the redirect (or the bait 'n' switch)

Usually used after the money wave or the whistle, this is when the gentlemen passes his turn to the lady behind him. Yeah, um, don't do that, okay? Chances are she's not ready, and your weak attempt at chivalry just cost you your turn. See you in 30 minutes.

8.Try the confused, lost look

This is usually accompanied by the question "What kind of beer y'all got?" while looking at all the beers we have. You did know you were in a bar, right? You didn't just appear here, did you? Refer to Rule 1.

9.Order High Maintenance shooters

Example: "Lemme get an Alabama Slammer, a Red Snapper, two Kamikazes, a Buttery Nipple and a Lemon Drop." Usually followed by a small tip. People, these shooters are fine by themselves, but there are multiple steps involved with each one. Translation: Time Sink. You may get them this time, but you'll probably be waited on last the next time we see your face. Here's a clue as to whether or not you're high maintenance; if two bartenders are working and they see you, and they flip a coin and the loser comes over to take your order, pretty good chance you're high maintenance.

10.Assume we know you're in the band

We know, we know, you're gonna be really famous, but you're not there yet, tiger. Tell us you're in the band and which band you're in. By the way, if you are in a band and get free/reduced drink prices, feel free to tip, as most bartenders are also in bands! It's not like we don't know how it is. Oh, and our bands will smoke your band.

11.Assume we know you period

Unless you've followed the first "Do" rule below, we don't remember you. You are one of a thousand faces for us, and when you point at an empty glass or a beer bottle that's invariably facing away from us, your attempt at a shortcut backfires. Tell us what you want.

12.Apologize for sucking

Don't apologize for not tipping. Acknowledging that you suck is not the same as not sucking. Oh, and don't say "I'll get ya next time." We know all about you.

13.Assume soft drinks are free

Are they free at McDonald's? Are they free at Wal-Mart? Are they free anywhere? I blame M.A.D.D. for this myth.

14.Put pennies and nickels in the tip jar

We don't want that crap in our pockets any more than you do. We don't have anything smaller than quarters. Have you ever ordered a drink that cost $3.17?

15.Be "The Microbrew Aficionado"

Usually a pseudo-hippy who can't tip a quarter but can't bring himself to drink "schwag," and who has to sample some new berry-wheat-harvest-ale that he heard about at Burning Man. "Do you have the new Vernal-Equinox Special Welcome-Fest?" "Does Anyone?" Here's your Newcastle. Go.

16.Be "The Daddy Warbucks"

Dressed in classic day-trader wear, this loud, boisterous guy smokes cigars and orders Martinis and generally exudes an air of money. Until the tip. We hate you.

17.Be a "Whiney Baby"

Under no circumstances should you ever whine to a bartender when asked to see your ID. Our jobs depend on them, and when we spot a fake/expired ID, don't argue; we've seen and heard it all a million times before, and it will get you absolutely nowhere. If you "don't have one" or "forgot it," forget it; you don't belong out on the town in the first place. That's the law, plain and simple. If we don't have the law, the terrorists win. You don't want the terrorists to win, do you? Bring your ID. Remember Rule 1, from a minute ago?

18.Don't tell me the bartender at the front bar hooks it up cheaper bullshit because if he did you wouldn't be at my bar gettin it from me! if you can't afford the drinks you are ordering then don't drink!

DO

1.Tip

Tip heavy right off the bat, and you're the first person we aim for every time you come up to the bar. Did you get that? Go back and read it again. The word will spread to the other bartenders and you'll be treated like a prince. It will pay off in better drinks and the occasional free one.

2.Be patient

All you really need to do to get waited on is make eye contact. We see you, and we'll get to you before the guy right next to you waving money and whistling. Remember, this isn't insulin we're passing out here. If you really need the drink that bad, you've got a problem to address, Jack. The meek shall inherit the bar.

3.Understand

we are human not machines we know you're there however you are not the only or most important one in the bar...

Things that suck and other aggrivates

~ I'm really sick of seeing people who post pictures of their new tattoo's only to have them suck. If you know you didn't get quality work done or your tattoo looks like a blurry butterfly when it's supposed to be a bird, don't post it. We don't want to see your stupid mistake that will fade in about 3 months and you will spend the rest of your life telling people, "yea, man..I'm getting that covered up soon".

~ I also am sick of people that correct my grammar, spelling or whatever else they feel the need to correct. You aren't my mom and you aren't grading my papers so get the heck out of grill.

~ I'm also sick of religious freaks justifying their religious freakyness by quote bible scriptures. Look people, I grew up in the holiest of the holy and know your game. You can't justify what you are doing by spouting rules from a book that not everyone lives by. That's like justifying stealing by saying your imaginary friend told you to take it. I'm not knocking religion by any means. I'm just saying, your way isn't the only way so don't shove it my face. I refuse to believe that there is an entire country (India) of people going to Hell because they never accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and personal savior. God is different things to different people and whatever helps them find peace is fine with me. I should be fine to you too.

~ I'm sick of people telling my mom the goings on in my life because they happen to be a MySpace friend. Listen genius, if I wanted my mom to know what was happening in my life I would just tell her. I certainly wouldn't be looking for other outlets to spout my indescretions and revelations, now would I?

~ I am tired of being told to wake up earlier and go to bed sooner. What am I, 8? If I needed someone to control my sleep patterns I'd sign up for one of the studies at Bowman Gray. Back out of my bedroom.

~ Why must we have small talk? If I have nothing to say to you, I won't talk to you. I'm going to ask you how you've been and I'm not going to ask you what's going on new in your life. I don't care. And why do you care about me? Meaningful conversations are highly under rated and should be attepted more often.

~Timing sucks. I hate having to be somewhere at a certain time. I hate not being able to be somewhere when I want to. I hate that I can't immediately have what I want when I want it. I hate that I spent my life looking for something that right in front of me all along. I hate that you have been out of my life for longer than you have been in it. I hate that I can't run away with you.

~Being out of the loops just blows. Don't you hate it when you read someones blog and you have no idea what they are talking about but you hope upon hope it's about you? Yea, me too.

I'm getting to old for this...

So I've come to the conclusion that Eric may actually be right about something. As much as it pains me to say it, I think he has the right idea about friendships and people in general. You see Eric has no close friends. It isn't really due to lack of people asking him to do things or whatnot. I used to think it was because he is a douche and no one wants him around. But having been with him two years now, I've noticed that guys at work are constantly trying to get him to do things with them. They ask him to play golf, go to races, all kinds of stuff. But he just blows them off. I realize why now.

You can't count on anyone. Ever. All you have in this life is yourself and if you put yourself out there then you will get hurt. It is a fact. When you make every effort to invite people into your world all you get in return is $250 worth of food and liquor that will never get eaten or drank, you learn to just let people go. When you spend hours thinking of clever things to name drinks for your so called 'friends' and they don't have the decency to call you and let you know they can't make it...you learn to dismiss them.

I have recently discovered that there are only a few 'true' people in this world. Only a very slight group that will do what they say and say what they mean. Those people are the people you want in your life. It is also important to note that those people happen to also be my age or close to it.

You see, I've been living my life like I'm still a kid. I've been trying to compete with the 20 year olds and trying to befriend them. I've recently come to the conclusion that I have more in common with their parents then them. Although I'm still in college, I need to realize that I'm not a kid. I'm an adult in a childs world and need to act accordingly. I keep trying to recreate the 'good old days' and well, they were just that, the old days.

I never thought that turning 30 would catapult me into some sort of life changing mindset. But now I know, I'm an adult and should surround myself with like minded people. My goals no longer consist of where I'm going out this weekend or how am I getting home after. They are much deeper and much more grounded in reality. You come to discover that it's not who can drink the most or who can be the loudest drunk, but who will be there when the dust settles that matters.

I'm grateful to have the few true friends that I've got. To the rest of you, I hope one day you find your peace and grow up.