So lately I've been getting a lot of flak for my lifestyle from people who don't even know me. But then again, can you ever really 'know' someone. I barely know myself most of the time. But that is another blog for another day...
Lets start with the basics. Everybody Lies. Not only is that a fabulous "House M.D." reference, it's a motto for life. If you just go ahead and accept that the majority of the people you meet in your life will feed you a certain amount of bullcrap with a side order of truth, then you will live a much less stressful existence. My friend Ian said it best in a blog of his at the end of March entitled "The Libido's Red Flags":
"MySpace and other social networking have their own particular red flags. If someone goes on at length about how much she HATES LIARS, I'm turned off, not because I consider myself a liar (except in the professional sense) or think that prevarication should be embraced as a way of life, but because it seems stupid and unimaginative to waste time posting such a cliché and useless prohibition. Do those women really think that the liars of the world are going to say "oh, she hates my type, I better not email her or send her a friend request!" And the women who feel the need to talk about how much they hate drama, especially in ALL CAPS, are all too often prone to drama themselves, and are blaming the self-created emotional turbulence of their romantic lives on other people."
This seriously struck home for me. No, I do not always tell the truth. No, I am not always forth coming with every detail of my life for the whole world to know. It's basically no one's business but my own. I also tend to think that sometimes people ask questions that they really don't want to know the answer to. A few years ago I asked several questions and quickly realized I did not want to know the answers that I faced. I learned right then and there, ignorance is bliss and I will never ask a question that I really don't want to know the answer to. My life has been a lot less painful and a lot more productive once I learned to stop asking questions and just go with the flow. Some things are just better left unsaid and if someone lies to you because you didn't have the good sense to protect your own heart, count it a blessing.
Especially in this cyber world we call MySpace! This place that we hang out in is not reality. From time to time I've fallen victim to the hype myself, but if you take the time to step back and look at things rationally you realize that it is all just silly. People get so worked up about the most ridiculous things. Just because someone leaves a comment on your friends page, it doesn't mean they are madly in love and are going to run off to Mexico and have babies! I personally like to leave comments that are inside jokes between me and the person I'm commenting on. They are 'inside' jokes because they are between us and us alone. If some psychotic lunatic reads it an suddenly starts crying over spilt milk, it really isn't my concern.
On to the next subject, playing the victim. I personally am way to strong and have way too much self worth to fall for the 'victim' mentality. I try to always take responsibility for my own actions and not blame my misfortune on others. You have to accept that you are powerless over the way others treat you or react to you. We slip easily into victim mentality when we we try to get exactly what we want in less than ideal circumstances and when we can't, we allow ourselves to be trapped in no-win choices. Often, we aren't even willing to consider any choice other than the ideal choice. When we are in victim mentality, we don't see the range of choices we have and we wallow in resentment. We feel helpless. In order to eliminate our victim mentality, you must accept the reality of the situation instead of trying to achieve the ideal. Find the best choice available within the reality of the circumstances and then accept that choice instead of resenting it.
When you play the victim you are making someone else the abuser and often that person does not deserve your hostility. When we don't get what we want, we tend to blame others rather than looking in the mirror at our own faults. And sometimes, no one is at fault. Sometimes, just because you want something to be true doesn't mean it is. Not everyone is what they say they are and not everyone wants what you think they should want. If someone doesn't want you, you can't bully them or guilt them into it.
Life is fluid. Learn to ride the waves.
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