Smash it.

I've managed destroy the closest thing to perfect that I'll ever find. I don't understand why I let things get the best of me. Why I can't just enjoy things and roll with it. I'm guessing that I have some kind of unconscious need to sabotage myself.

I've always stood by the thought of "Don't ask questions you really don't want to know the answer to." Well I decided to go digging in what is otherwise a perfect situation and found a great big ol' pile of bull crap. So now what do I do. I am not the kind of person to let these things go. I can't just accept his explanation and move on. I have have to over analyze the thing to death and constantly re-hash it in my head. Every he doesn't respond to my texts or doesn't answer the phone I'm going to think he has someone else over there. No matter how hard I try I know me. I'm going to work myself into an obsessive tizzy and then I'll just blow the whole thing up.

I know it's easy for you to say..."well Jade, just calm down and take things slow." Hey, guess what? That ain't me! If you didn't know that already welcome to the show and thanks for playing. I've got some serious obsessive issues that no amount of therapy and/or medication has ever cured.

And then we have Daniel. I don't know why I can't let this boy go. He is absolutely NOTHING that I want in life. NOTHING. I miss him sometimes so much that it hurts and then I call him. And then we fight because he doesnt' get me and I dont' get him and I spend the whole next day trying to get him to speak to me again! I'll be glad when December 8th finally rolls around so we can go to this football game and get this darn thing over with! Cut it off, let it hurt, move on!

Now we come to Shane. Shane is a ghost from my past that rears his ugly head every so often. He shows up, screws with my head and then runs off to parts unknown for a few years. Shane is as close to a 'soul mate' that I think I have ever found. Which is what makes it sooo hard to just not respond to the texts. Shane also lives with his girlfriend of 2 years..forgot to mention that too huh? Well he keeps saying he wants out of the relationship but he has to know that I want him first. I don't want him. I don't want him screwing with me anymore. But then I hear his voice and I crumble. Why do I let these people do this to me and why do they do it? Why is it that people feel the need to mess with others sanity?