The letter I wrote to my best friend.

Did you know that you have hurt me. You hurt me often and don't realize it I guess. I consider you my best friend for life and the person I put beyond all others. Just ask Brandy, April, any of the girls at work, Eric, etc. they will tell you how important you are to me. We have been through things that other people can't imagine together. And when times get rough I've always known that I have you to count on. I don't feel like I have that anymore.

When you start dating someone, you engulf yourself in them and their lives. I'm no accusing, I'm just stating. Everyone does it at first. But you do it in a different way that hurts me.

When you started dating Todd oh so many years ago, I didn't like him and I didn't think you two were good together so I bowed out of your life. You seemed to replace me quite quickly with other people. I let that slide because I knew you would always come back. And you did, when things went sour with you and Todd I was there to pick up the peices and help you through it. The same way you did with Scott. You moved to NJ and I was there for you the whole time you were gone. I even came to visit. You had a hard time making friends but I was still there. I couldn't visit you as much I would have liked but I did make the effort. When things fell apart, I was there.

Now you get back to NC and immediately start up a new relationship. I like Jason, I liked Scott for that matter, but I do think Jason is good for you and I think you make a wonderful couple. I am very happy for you and hope everything continues to be wonderful. However, you have replaced me with his friends. When the two of you first started dating you begged me to go to all these shows with you and all these events because you didn't want to sit there alone and you didn't have any friends. Now those invites are few and far between. You invited me to HRW and I was so excited. I have wanted to go for awhile and would have been awesome to go with you. I picked out some clothes and got my schedule re-arranged at work. I told Eric that I wouldn't be around due to going with you to the festival. I made him up some dinners so he would have some food made. I called you numerous times and especially when you posted a blog saying you weren't going. I thought I would at least get a phone call if this was happening not a fricken blog for god's sake! But alas, nothing. I know you are busy with work and the kids and jason and all so I figured you would call me sooner or later. I even invited ya'll to stay at my house. I cleaned top to bottom and washed sheets on the guest bed. I told you to let me know if you were going. I heard nothing.

Then I read on MySpace of all fricken places that you did, in fact go and had a glorious time with some other girl. She has pics posted of you all over her blog and how you are her new best friend for life. Then she suddenly gets put in front of me in your top 8. Great. Now I'm jealous of pecking order on MySpace.

Yes, Kelly I am jealous. I'm jealous of the fact that I spend most of my life caring about someone who kicks me to the curb when things go great in her life and then expect me to be there when they go south. I'm jealous of someone that only calls me to tell me that she got a 2 carat diamond engagement ring but not that she isn't going to be hanging out with me. I'm jealous of the friendship we used to have. I may not be as important to you, but you are everything to me. My heart is breaking.

I know that Jason is a social person and you aren't quite as outgoing so I know he has introduced you to some people. I'm happy that you've made friends. I want you to be happy. I want you live your life to the fullest extent, I just want to be in it.

Am I not cool enough to be your friend anymore? I know we aren't into the same things. And that we have our own interests, but we always have. Do you think I'll embarass you in front of your new friends? Is that it? I promise I won't. I promise....

Just don't leave me again...please...