An adendum..

I think you all may have gotten the wrong impression of my wonderful boyfriend from my last post.

I have a tendancy to jump to conclusions as well as over-exaggerating things a bit. Everything I said did happen, but considering the vast majority of you don't know us at all, you only get my side of the story.

I started this blog as an outlet. I have manic depression accompanied by panic attacks. When I am feeling down and/or manic or paniced, I write. At many points in my life I've solved many of my problems by writing. So when I'm stressed I get all out with the keyboard. I have found in life that by the time my entry is done I've either solved my dilemma or I have cleared my head enough to look at things rationally. Not all of it is bad and not all of it is good. In life we have ups and downs, ebbs and flows.

I rarely to never tell my friends or family bad things about my relationships. This poisons the well. Your support group is always going to take your side so no matter what, even if you are in the wrong they are going to think it's the jerks fault. When, in actuallity relationships are a two way street. I've learned that in order to have a healthy one, I keep our failures to myself. However, I do need an outlet in which to broadcast my feelings. I have taken on this blog to do so.

I am not going to leave my bf. My bf isn't a horrible person. The $200 tab was a bank error that was sorted out the next day. He got double charged at Rum Runners. He doesn't lie to me, he doesnt' cheat on me and I do trust him. I have insecurity issues which cause me to feel like he is going to leave me. These are my problems and due to nothing he has done to make me feel this way. I've always had commitment issues and until I can work this out within myself I'll continue to feel like that.

I am a sabotager. For those of you who don't know, this is someone who has to ruin things when they are going well. I have an unconcious need to always be in turmoil. I can't just be happy. I'm the epitome of the Garbage song "I'm only happy when it rains". I have realized this about myself and am making great strides in my life to improve upon it. I am on a constant path for improvement in my life and welcome any and all constructive critizisms. I cannot correct my short-commings if I'm unaware that they exist. I've always encourged others to come to me with problems and concerns.

So folks, my relationship isn't falling apart, my life isn't in shambles, my bf isn't cheating on me or leaving me. We both flirt. I love flirting and I love watching him flirt as does he me. When we met I flirted for a living and will be getting back into that line of work in the next few months. I'm completely comfortable with what we have and wouldn't trade it in for the world!