Do I have cooties?

Why is it that all I do is be myself and that is just too much for people? I can't help that I let my feelings be known when I feel them. I can not stand it when people just assume they know me and talk all kindsa junk about something they don't know anything about! I understand the 'bros before hos' thing but when you are in a relationship with a girl and she flat out tells you that she didn't do anything or say any of the stuff that your friends are telling you she said, then you kinda have to believe her. Especially when you have the proof to show them. I mean seriously. And when flat out tell a girl that you purposely did things to hurt her but you want her back then you really have no chance of that happening.

I know I fall for the wrong guys. I know that I fall hard and I fall fast. I know that I can be intense. I make no bones about it. I tell you from the time you meet me what to expect. But somehow that doesn't compute and still enter into the mystic land of Jade with every intention of just being there for a vacation, not buying property. Stay off my lawn!

I am amazing. Anyone would be lucky to have me in their life and screw you if you can't handle me! I'm so sick of this. Seriously. What is it about me that causes men to just lose their ever lovin' minds? It's like they think I'm the dog's tuxedo until they spend a little time with me in person and then they fall off the face of the earth. If it happened once I wouldn't mind. If it happened twice, I could deal with it. But it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I meet someone that I actually feel full on chemistry with. EVERY SINGLE TIME! I'm going to totally stop meeting people in person. Seriously. I'm just giving up.

I know this rant makes me sound crazy. I probably am crazy. I'm crazy to think that someone would actually want me. I'm crazy to think that I will ever find someone to accept me for me. I'm crazy to think that I won't have to settle for someone that I don't feel chemistry with just to not be alone. I'm crazy for all of it.

I absolutely HATE the punched in the stomach feeling. That feeling is what I get every time someone gives me butterflies. I can't seem to have the butterflies without the kicked in the gut feeling later. It's like the rug gets pulled out from under me and I can't catch my breath. I'm falling down a hole and don't know when I'll hit bottom. My feet feel like lead and my head dizzy. I don't get it. Does this happen to anyone else?

I feel like I spend most of my time saying, "Sorry to bother you..." Why am I always a bother to people? I shouldn't be a bother I should a be a pleasure! I should be loved and adored not tolerated and abhorred!

I can't handle this. I am simply not strong enough to date apparently. Sorry mom and dad, you will never have grandkids and I will never know what its like to walk down an aisle. I guess this is it... life as I want to know it is merely a myth.