I need to figure out what is going on. The only thing I can ascertain is that I'm too eager. So I have to just stop wanting it so bad. But how does one go about that? How do you stop wanting something so bad that you ache? It physically hurts me that I can't find love. My internal 'self' has a headache.
All I want is to be told the truth. I will accept the consequences. But I can't be expected to just accept what I'm uncertain of. That is like trusting in the unknown...I think they call it faith? I lost my faith years ago and am steadily losing all hope as well.
I've decided that I'm going to just get over it. Easier said than done. I seriously need to get a hobby or something that takes my mind off life. Apparently I come across desperate and needy. Of course I'm desperate and needy, I'm 33 years old and I've never been married and have no kids. It's like my whole life has passed me by without me. Maybe I was too picky. Maybe I wasn't picky enough. Maybe I'm just a great big loser that doesn't know when to shut up. Regardless, I'm still alone with no light at the end of the tunnel.
I've become bitter and angry. I've never been a bitter and angry person. Sad yes, but never bitter. I don't like this person that is seeping out of me. I need to find the leak and patch it post haste. Anyone know how to fix a hemorrhaged heart?
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