Truth or Consequences...no on ever said anything about trust.

I need to figure out what is going on. The only thing I can ascertain is that I'm too eager. So I have to just stop wanting it so bad. But how does one go about that? How do you stop wanting something so bad that you ache? It physically hurts me that I can't find love. My internal 'self' has a headache.

All I want is to be told the truth. I will accept the consequences. But I can't be expected to just accept what I'm uncertain of. That is like trusting in the unknown...I think they call it faith? I lost my faith years ago and am steadily losing all hope as well.

I've decided that I'm going to just get over it. Easier said than done. I seriously need to get a hobby or something that takes my mind off life. Apparently I come across desperate and needy. Of course I'm desperate and needy, I'm 33 years old and I've never been married and have no kids. It's like my whole life has passed me by without me. Maybe I was too picky. Maybe I wasn't picky enough. Maybe I'm just a great big loser that doesn't know when to shut up. Regardless, I'm still alone with no light at the end of the tunnel.

I've become bitter and angry. I've never been a bitter and angry person. Sad yes, but never bitter. I don't like this person that is seeping out of me. I need to find the leak and patch it post haste. Anyone know how to fix a hemorrhaged heart?

To all who've broken my heart...

"She's beautiful in her simple little way
She don't have too much to say when she gets mad
She understands she don't let go of anything
Even when the pain gets really bad
Guess I should've been more like that

You had it all for a pretty little while
And some how you made me smile when I was sad
You took a chance on a bruised and beaten heart
Then you realized you wanted what you had
I guess I should've been more like that

I should have held on to my pride
I should have never let you lie
I guess you got what you deserved
I guess I should've been more like her

Forgiving you, she's stronger than I am
You don't look much like a man from where I'm at
It's plain to see desperation showed it's truth
You love her and she loves you with all she has
I guess I should've been more like that

I should have held on to my pride
I should have never let you lie
I guess you got what you deserverd
I guess I should've been more like her

She's beautiful in her simple, little way"


Written by Miranda Lambert but felt deeply by me.